Jared's Blog

Unconnected Happenings

2012-02-14T21:36:00.002-07:00

First of all, I bought some new Moleskin notebooks to keep up on my writing. It's been awesome. One is a storyboard notebook, which helps me picture what I'm writing about. The others are to write down random ideas as they come to me. I've never done this because I felt like I already had too much going on; but I'm finding that it frees up my writing immensely, and gets me focused.

See the sideways s? It just shows that even though I'm focused I'm still not really focused. *Giggle* I'm so clever.

Also, I have been reading a book on consciousness. Mind-blowing. It sounds like stoner theory at first...but it actually makes perfect sense. Are we even conscious at all? There's no brain patterns that say we are. There's no central place in our brains that gather all of our information we take in and form our personalities. Some people think we are spirits controlling our bodies. The issue is that there's nothing showing where it would connect with our brains either. Plus, when people have head injuries and become different...did their spirit get injured too? See where the problems come up?

"Like...whoa man."

We're moving back to Indiana in April. I'm sort of looking forward to living in a large city again (Indianapolis). Also, I'm just looking forward to moving on with my life. I'm tired of being a student, and I'm tired of not being able to find a true job. Teaching is something that I'm very excited to do.

Don't ever do a google image search "jerk teacher" with the safe search off...it's not worth it.

The semester is hitting it's half-way point here quite soon. I'm thankful that it will all be over soon. Now to just keep getting everything done so that I can actually graduate. No need to blow it in the final semester...probably don't google search that phrase either.

Damn you Amazon!

2012-01-23T20:37:00.001-07:00

So amazon.com has officially robbed me of nearly $200.

I'm fairly certain that they're collectively sitting around doing this...

Yes, they did. See, I sold an iphone 3gs because, to be perfectly honest, we were pretty freakin' broke and needed to pay January's rent. So about a week after shipping it, I got an e-mail from the guys asking if he could get a refund, because it wasn't what he had thought it was (seriously, I'm not sure how you manage to get it mixed up...). I told him that'd be fine, he just needed to ship the phone back to me.

Did he? Hell no. Instead, he filed a claim with amazon's A-to-Z claims service. I had seven days to respond...I responded. I got an e-mail last week telling me I hadn't appealed the decision in time...despite it being within the seven day time limit.

So after numerous calls (just to find out the A-to-Z claims department has no phone) and numerous e-mails, I was met only with repeated shafting. They wouldn't even look at my claim, and even my requests that a supervisor look over the evidence were ignored, they never moved it beyond the lowest ranking e-mail-responders.

Now, the guy has my phone and my money. It doesn't seem to matter if you go through the numerous hoops that amazon has set-up around the A-to-Z claims...they will just do this to you.

Amazon is the santa/bunny/devil and I am the helpless baby.

Some Stories

2012-01-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

So we had a new neighbor trying to move in last night...their key didn't work to their new apartment. He ended up knocking on our door to find out if we knew the trick to make it work. Vicki then volunteered me to pick his lock for him. So...I did. Yup. My first week as an amateur lock-pick and I've already put it to good use.

Yup. That's how I felt.

Also, I totally threw my back out today. I was doing Jiu-Jitsu with Richard Wadsworth, and it just sort of happened. See, I had hurt it a little bit in the previous week, but I had no idea that it was still so weak. Well surprise! Now I can't even get out of this lousy chair without grunting and whining like a small, angry child in K-mart whose mother just told him he could, in fact, not have a candy bar in the checkout line.

Which is where my mother took this Christmas card picture of me.

Was that too specific? So, when I threw it out, what did I do? I kept rolling like the moron I am. What can I say? I was enjoying myself. Jiu-Jitsu is amazing. Now I'm pretty sure that Vicki is more mad at me about it than empathetic. [Insert your sexist wife joke here]

Speaking of Vicki, she is preparing to run a half marathon in March! I'm actually really proud of her. She seems to enjoy training for it.

Yes, this hottie is only getting hotter.

We've actually both been working hard to get back into shape recently. From the middle of summer until last week, I went from weighing around 223 pounds (my lowest in years) to being around 260 pounds. I'm now back down to 245. There's still more work to do. I'm hoping to be down to 180 by the end of the year. That's 80 pounds to lose, and I'm already 15 down. Boo-to-the-yeah.

This is how I feel sometimes.

More New Skills

2012-01-13T19:53:00.001-07:00

More research has gone into getting my screenplay and my novel moving. In the process of research, I have learned a few new skills...again. (If you want to see the previous entry concerning other cool stuff I've learned, click here.)

Yup. Pretty sure this could be me...minus the hitting women part.

Cars: First of all, I now know how, and have the abilities to break into about any vehicle as well. "Well," you say, "Anyone can smash a window and grab the stereo." Sure. But can they sneakily pop the lock and then mutha'-freakin' hot-wire the beast? Probably not. But guess who can?

That's right. This guy.

Yes. I can indeed do it. In fact, I was surprised how simple it is to hot-wire a car. What I don't know, is how to disarm the car alarm on newer models that have them. That will be my next step to learn.

Fire: I learned how to make a fire with a battery, steel-wool, and tissue paper. Also, quite easy. What I don't know? How to NOT make it look like arson. That seems to be where most people screw it up anyways. Not that I ever intend to use it; but it'd be great to know for some of my characters.

That's all the new stuff I have to share for now. So I guess the end message is this: If you ever lock yourself out of your house or car, give me a ring and I'll come bail you out...if I like you.

New Skill Sets

2012-01-07T19:50:00.002-07:00

While researching for my screenplay and novel, I've learned some sweet new skills...that could make me the coolest serial killer ever.

Yeah, like this. Exactly like this.

First off:

I read a 400 page book on police procedures (granted, there are way too many laws to stick into one book; but what was contained in the book was very standard for most all police departments). I even learned all of the "ten" codes. (ten-four good buddy...that sort of thing).

Second:

I read another 400 page book on poisons. How they work, where to get them, what they do, how quickly they do it, how to make some of them, their level of toxicity, and whether or not you're likely to get caught depending on the poison you choose. So look for that in my writing...if you ever read my writing.

Third:

Lock-picking. I have an amateur lock picking booklet and a sweet, credit card-sized lock picking set. Happily, it works, and I now can pick the lock on the average home. It's actually extremely simple. In fact, I could do it with paper-clips now that I know what I'm doing. On a related note, I have also learned how to free myself from handcuffs, both the steel and the plastic, zip-tie sort.

Here is the exact set that I own.

So, in short, it's a good thing I'm not a criminal; because the next book on my list is over 600 pages and is all about forensics.

Interesting.

2011-12-28T20:35:00.002-07:00

Still writing! You may not care about that as much as I do, but that's ok. I do most of my writing while the kids are napping...or when I've locked them in their room attempting to force them to nap. So in reality, this doesn't actually leave me a great deal of writing time. Add on top of that, we're moving in two days. Yes, I am also packing.

Just in case you care, I am also quite excited about this upcoming semester for a few reasons. Reason #1: It's my final semester! Reason #2: I will have two of my favorite professors again: Paula Soper, and Kim Burbridge. Reason #3: I feel confident about it. I feel like I can handle my work load, and I feel like I can still do all of my side projects (writing, jiu-jitsu, and what not).

I will be taking a side class online on writing screenplay treatments. That's going to be mega-sweet. As you know, I'm in the middle of a screenplay treatment now, so it'll be cool to get some professional feedback in the middle of it.

Here's a harmonica-playing squirrel to top off your visit.

So Cool

2011-12-27T18:38:00.002-07:00

I recently got paid for completing part of a screenplay treatment! Now I need to finish the treatment and write two drafts of the screenplay itself. Then I can get paid more...and I can say that I've officially had a screenplay optioned.

I'm still firing away on writing my novel as well. I find it to be quite fun to write. I'm taking Robert Mckee's advice and not just going with the first thing that I write down each time. I'm throwing out the crappy stuff and keeping what I feel like works.

Also, I recently received my professional edit of "Boogeyman" that I had submitted to a scary story contest. I made the changes on the draft and re-submitted it. I ought to hear back on that before too long. It will be published on all Fantasy Island Publishing websites and author blogs. That's exciting to me!

It's kind of cool to consider myself a writer. I've always wanted to do it, but I've never had the drive or the skills or even knowledge to do it before. I feel like I'm much better off than any other time as far as my writing abilities go. However, I also recognize that I've still got lots left to learn. I'll let you know how things are coming along as I go. With any luck, I'll have a screenplay optioned, and a book ready for publication by April. I've made up my mind that I will continue to write throughout this upcoming semester. I will make the time...because I am really enjoying it.

As of Late

2011-12-23T09:37:00.001-07:00

I've been writing a bunch! I've started writing the first treatment for my screenplay. It's a crime-drama, and it's coming along quite nicely. I started with one idea and was writing it furiously for a while...then I realized it totally sucked and started over with a different story.

Also, I'm working on a novel length story as well. If you ever read my blog, you'll see the first two chapters posted on here. I'm rather proud of them. I've actually written more than just the two chapters; but I'm keeping it locked away in a secret googledoc...mwuahahahaha!

I have also had the opportunity to speak with Rener Gracie this week. He gave me plenty of great insights about where I need to work on some things personally. If you know me, you know the things that I've been struggling with. While I have never met Rener Gracie in person, he seemed to know all about it, and gave me the best advice I've ever received.

Finally: your face.

That is all.

And here is a baby hipster owl to brighten up your day...You're welcome.

Blank Page (Chapter 2-rough draft)

2011-12-19T17:23:00.001-07:00

Jerrypulled up into his driveway, shut off the headlights, and stared at theblankness of his garage door momentarily. With reluctance, he got out of hiscar and slowly trudged towards his house. The lights were on in the living roomand he could hear his children running back and forth screaming with delight.He closed his eyes and turned the door knob.

“Daddy!” His girls yelled.They jumped forgot their unknown games and rushed towards him and hugged hislegs. Jerry couldn’t help but to grin at his girls. They were both four yearsold; fraternal twins. Candy’s dark, curly hair bounced as she hopped up anddown in excitement. Lauren looked up at Jerry with her heterochromatic eyes.The first time Jerry had realized that his daughter’s eyes were becomingdifferent colors, it had freaked him out. He thought that she had been injuredsomehow, and discolored one of them. Now, he thought it was strangely beautifulthe way her green eye seemed to glow in contrast to her deep, piercing browneye.

“How are my girls?”

“We’re fine daddy.”

“Yeah, we’re fine.”

“Well good. Were yougood for mommy today?”

There was a sarcastic “HA!” released from Jerry’s wife,Andy, before the girls had a chance to respond. Lauren and Candy looked at thefloor and pushed out their bottom lips to look more pitiful and helpless forJerry. Andy was the disciplinarian of the two of them. Candy and Lauren hadfigured that out early on.

“Uh-oh. Why don’t youtwo go brush your teeth? Daddy will come tuck you in in a minute.” Jerry saidas he planted a kiss on their heads before they ran off.

Jerry walked into the bedroom where his wife was sittingon their king-sized bed. She had dark, smooth hair down to her shoulders thatshe had curled the ends of the day before. Her fair skin always looked so softagainst her hair. Andy had put on a black, lacey nighty and had applied a deep,sexy-red lipstick. She sat with her back to the headboard, legs propped up on apillow, and was drinking a glass of red wine. The bottle sat on the nightstandbeside her; almost empty.

“Heya babe.”

“My God, they’ve beenterrors today. Have you ever seen what play-dough does to clothes in the dryer?Have you? Shit. Of course not.”

“Ah Jesus babe, I’msorry. I’ll take care of it.”

“Don’t bother. I tookit to Goodwill earlier. Have you thought any more about it Jerry?”

“Yeah, I have. I don’tlike it.”

“But I need it Jerry.”

“No. Babe, you don’t.”

“Don’t tell me what Ineed! You aren’t ever even fucking here! How would you know anyways?”

“Andy, hold on. The kidsare still awake…”

“I don’t fucking care.And you don’t fucking care about me.”

“Yes I do! But I don’tthink that this is something we should do. Jesus shit Andy, it would kill me ifwe did that. I don’t want to have to…to see or be involved in that.”

“Why does this have tobe about you? This is about me!”

“Because you’re tryingto involve me in this! Do you even realize what you’re asking me to do?”

“Mark already said yes.He seemed thrilled by the proposition.”

“You asked him?! Why inthe hell would you do that? I never even agreed to do this…this…thing.”

“Because that’s who I wantedto join us. He’s a handsome kid. He could do us both some good. I think youmight enjoy all of us at once.”

Jerry stormed out of the room. “He’s just afucking kid!” seeing straight wasn’t an option for Jerry. His rage had grown tosomething that affected the way he walked to the extent that he bumped into thewalls in the hallway, knocking family pictures to the floor. Somehow, Jerrymanaged to get himself to his recliner where he plopped down and hid his eyeswith his hands. He wanted to yell; he wanted to cry; he wanted to hit someone.That fucking cunt Mark. That’s who he wanted to hit. He gritted his teeth andfantasized stomping on Mark with his steel-toed work boots.

“Daddy!” Candy andLauren began hollering from upstairs, “Daddy, come tuck us in!” Jerry sat backin his chair, took a few deep breaths to calm down, and went upstairs.

The Blank Page (1st chapter rough draft)

2011-12-17T14:59:00.001-07:00

*Warning: there are dirty swear words, so don't read any further than here if that will bother you.*

Fucked.That’s what he was and he knew it. Fucked through and through to no end. Let’sface it; it’s hard to tell where the end is when the beginning gets muddled.Jerry didn’t know where it all started, so he had no idea what the end was. Hewasn’t even sure what now was. Perhaps this was the beginning; but that didn’tmake sense either.

Asthe applause from his fellow factory workers subsided, Jerry sat down. Hefeigned a smile for the slap on the back he received from Bill. Fifteen years.Management had just given him an award for working in their piss-hole of afactory for fifteen years. The monotony of the twelve hour shifts, the staringat glass for the tiniest of flaws, being surrounded by petty drama from pettypeople for fifteen years, and they awarded him for it. Could there be anythingmore soul-crushing than working in a glass factory for fifteen years?

Afterthe meeting, Jerry walked across the factory floor towards his print room. Thesmell of oil and glass powder filled his nose. He watched the automaticmachinery cut the glass into the shape of a car window and stack it neatly intoracks. From there it was taken to the furnace and tempered, followed by handinspection from all of the temps. God, had it really been fifteen years? Wherehad it all gone?

Aftergetting a whiff of butane from a passing fork-lift, Jerry made his way into hisprint room to make sure the monogram made it onto the windows properly. Switchthe system on, replace the print screen, make sure the materials are ready; hewent through it all mechanically without thinking. His body moved; but his minddid not. It was still stuck on the fact that he was even there at all. As soonas the printer was running properly and the monograms were coming out right,Jerry opened the top drawer on his tool chest and pulled out his small, blackjournal. This was the only place thinking occurred for him anymore. It was histhird journal for the year, and it only had about a third left to fill anyways.

October 12, 2011

Bull-shit. Fifteen fucking years? Theyawarded me for that? They ought to punish me for fucking wasting that much ofmy life in this shit-hole. “Oh hey Jerry! Thanks for squandering your life awayhere with us. Here. Here’s a white fucking ribbon. You’re the best.”

I really expected to be out of here bynow. Hell, by now I had expected myself to be living the dream. My book shouldhave been published by now. I would be writing for as living if I actually hadthe time to put into it. When I’m not here I’m too busy taking care of the kidsand my wife. God how I wish they would just take of themselves and leave mealone. I wish I had an office. I could get so much done if I just had a fuckingoffice where I could close the door, crank up the music, and write.Undisturbed.

Where did I fail? Jesus Christ I’m amess. I guess no one ever really plans on ending up in a factory for so long.Does anyone ever end up where they planned? I don’t think I’ve met anyone whohas.

Hesat back and sighed. And looked at what he had just written. He flipped thepage and began to write again; or at least tried to. His hand hovered above thepage. The words weren’t coming. The blank page gaped open at him; taunted himto mark it. He stuck the tip of his pen onto the top line of the new page andcontinued to hesitate. The whiteness and the blankness of the page seemed towhisper to him, “I am you.” He started.

The man (morehesitation) walked through therain. The grey smog rose from the wet streets. Streetlamps shone down on him inan almost milky light. The night was thick with moisture and apprehension. Hehad received an anonymous letter ordering him to be here at 9. He was pacing upand down the street, crossing to the other side and back again. Where was themysterious person who had written him? He fumbled the pistol in his pocket. Itwas a .357 magnum with a snub barrel. He gripped the chrome finished handle andfelt the power of a man who was in control. Life and death were in his hand. Hecould choose either with a simple flick of his fingers.

“Youneed to come with me,” he heard from behind him.

He slowly turned, and saw a very tallman in a black suit and a bowler hat. He was uncannily tall. Seven feet atleast. It was a three piece suit and it was buttoned up as far as a suit canbe. It was as though the tall man had been forcefully stuffed into a suit madefor a much shorter person.

(Morehesitation) Suddenly, a bulletripped through the air and into the tall man’s skull. Brain’s splatteredeverywhere! He fell over dead.

“Goddammit!” Jerry said out loud as he began to scribble over his quickly writtenstory. “What a bunch of shit. No goddamned wonder. Fifteen fucking years…” Hescratched at the page furiously until it ripped; when he saw this, he grabbedat it, ripped it from the journal, crumpled it and threw it across the printroom. “I must be fucking insane.”

Women in Jiu-Jitsu

2011-12-15T16:21:00.001-07:00

First note: "Jenny" is not one specific person. Jenny is a representation of numerous women whom I've heard talk about their experiences in Jiu-Jitsu. If you see something you said, then that part was probably you. I took what I've seen and heard and wrote it down as an interview with "Jenny". I wrote this for a class; but I feel like it was something good enough to share.

Introduction

Jenny Belmont, 18, and a freshman at BYU-Idaho is a small girl with a tomboyish outlook on things. Because of her physical stature, Jenny has felt left out of many of the things she has wished to do. Jenny has a strong determination to achieve the things she wants to do, almost to spite those who have held her up in the past.

I’ve never had a student put so much time and devotion into learning jiu-jitsu before. Jenny may not be the most able or fastest learning student that has come to my class; but she does have a certain style of learning that helps her to achieve. Friends of Jenny come to the class as well, which helps Jenny to learn in a more social setting than if she were to come on her own. The group learning that takes place, the partner work, and the repetition of technique are things that have greatly contributed to her success.

Finding a Place

I love watching the fights (UFC/MMA), but I always had to do it behind my parent’s back. My dad and brother both loved to watch them together; but they would never let me come watch the fight with them. They said because I was a girl I wouldn’t get it. They were afraid that I was going to somehow ruin their “man-time”.

Now that I’ve come to school here, I’ve been able to get involved in some of this stuff. I’m doing Capoeira as well as Jiu-Jitsu. They’re both fun, but I really love doing jiu-jitsu. It’s like, way better than anything else I’ve learned before. I’m hoping that my dad and brother will let me watch the fights with them now that I actually know some of this stuff. Now I can sit there and yell at the TV like, “Whoa! Did you see that armbar?” or “Sick triangle!” I think it’ll surprise them a little.

I’m not sure why me being a girl should hurt that. I mean, what difference does it make? I like martial arts and I like watching the fights. So what if I’m built different? When I went home over Thanksgiving, I got into it with my brother and ended up making him pass out with a triangle-choke. (laughs) It was pretty cool to put some of that stuff to use.

Fighting for Understanding

Sure, sometimes I take some crap from people for doing jiu-jitsu. Some of the girls in my hall don’t think it’s a very neat thing to do. I don’t know. It’s like it somehow is just too different for them I guess. They’ve never really seen it, so they don’t know.

Sometimes some of the guys in class think they can just sort of muscle me around because I’m so much smaller than they are. I don’t really let them though. (laughs) I put up a pretty good fight anyways. I come in and practice with a couple of them during week in between classes. It helps a lot. We get to drill the moves and like, really practice the stuff by putting it all together instead of just doing everything separate.

I’m glad that I do because it really helps me to understand it better so when I roll (spar) with these guys in class, I don’t do so bad. I kind of earn their respect you know? They think I can’t do it, but then I can. Sometimes they’re like, “Whoa! Did that just happen?” (laughs) It feels good to see that in their eyes when you do something cool against them.

Motivation and Repetition

Yeah, I do like to practice it every chance I get. Really, I wish that I could do it more. I guess I’ll just have to settle for what I have though. Classes are really great for me, because everything just gets broken down into such detail, and in a step-by-step kind of way so that it’s easy to understand. It’s just building on it a little at a time. Sometimes, people think that repetition is just boring, or that it doesn’t help; but it’s like, better I think. Nobody gets everything down all at once, but if you repeat and build on what you do get, then you really start to get things down. That’s kind of why I come in to practice outside of class. There’s just always more to get down.

I guess I’m motivated for a few reasons. I really just like doing it first of all; but I guess it’s to show my dad and brother that I deserve to be able to get involved in these kinds of things too. It’s almost like I have more to prove because I’m a girl. Like, it’s not good enough to be interested like everybody else, I have to prove my interest, you know? I have to actually do it so people will believe that I love it. Don’t get me wrong, I really do like it, and I would do it anyways; it just feels like it’s proving something to I guess.

Commentary

Being a female in a male-dominated sport is a difficult thing for Jenny. The fact that she practices more often than almost any of my other students leads me to believe that she does indeed feel a need to prove herself. The treatment from the men in her family, and her comments regarding that treatment, further lead me to believe that she feels a special need to succeed in the sport.

She is very aware of the different treatment she receives from some of the males in the class. The fact that she notices their surprise, and the way they try to muscle her around show that she knows that there is a bit of a disadvantage going in. She is a small girl, and spars with some rather large men. Egos get in the way, and some of the guys feel like they can’t lose to this tiny girl. It forces her to work harder than most anyone else in order to just survive.

Practical Application

Participants of the sport will need to drop their egos and realize that there is actually a great deal to learn from Jenny. Her body-type allows her to do many things the average male body type will not. She can move and adapt in new ways. Instead of attempting to use muscle, it’s actually a wonderful opportunity to develop personal technique and style to overcome her personal style.

Being a female in a male dominated sport is difficult. There are many challenges to overcome from teammates to family. The reality of it though, is that a female in the sport forces evolution on everyone’s part. It isn’t about a woman becoming “one of the guys”, it’s about everyone recognizing the differences actually improve, and strengthen their game. The sport needs more people with the motivation and desire like Jenny; and people like Jenny shouldn’t have to feel a need to prove themselves any more than the others because of their sex.

Good Times with the Family

2011-12-11T22:37:00.001-07:00

We know how to have a good time.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUU

2011-12-05T23:34:00.001-07:00

I didn't pass my jiu-jitsu instructor certification test. Damn it all.

The World of Screenwriting

2011-12-05T13:56:00.001-07:00

I have been reading a number of screenplays for television and movies recently. It's a unique format that screenplays have; but I understand the layout fairly well. It's interesting that there are actually so many good screenplays out there...but then there are so many crappy screenplays that drown them out.

Here's my list of well-written screenplays that I have read thus far:

(In no specific order)

1. Sideways

2. The Sopranos

3. Dexter

4. The Walking Dead

5. The Reader

6. Arrested Development

7. Casablanca

8. The Fighter

9. Six Feet Under

10. Breaking Bad

11. Chinatown

12. Kramer vs Kramer

13. Alien

14. Seven

15. The Wire

That's all I've finished so far, and I must say, they are amazingly written. I'm going to read a treatment script next just to get more familiar with it.

Must...Sleep...

2011-11-30T01:48:00.001-07:00

I'm turning into a zombie.

For a week now I haven't been able to go to bed and fall asleep before 2 AM. It's killing me. Vicki probably doesn't mind not having me there to hog all of the covers...but still, I can't take this! I write this because I know all of you...(yeah, I'm just pretending people actually glance at this for a moment) wanted to know how well I have or have not been sleeping. So...you're welcome.

My Mind

2011-11-27T21:19:00.003-07:00

I've had plenty on my mind lately, and really, they've been good things. A list you say? I think we shall.

1. Writing
Where do I begin? I love to write; however, it's something that I lack a major amount of time for. I'm currently working on a screenplay (which is coming along nicely), but I still don't seem to have the time (or space in my home) to devote to it. Regardless, I still love to write and create. After the screenplay is finished, I fully intend to begin work on a novel.

2. Jiu-Jitsu
I really wish Drew was still training. Most every bit of jiu-jitsu I do is teaching (which I love doing) and rolling with beginners. I miss going to Drew's garage, learning new things, and actually getting whooped. It's bad for the ego to win all of the time.

3. The Future

I'll be done and graduated at the end of April (Boo-yeah!); but we aren't entirely sure about how everything is going to work out for us. The plan at the moment is that we will move back to Indiana with the in-laws for a few months so we can both work and save up some money before I student teach in the fall. If I am able, I will attempt to student teach in Indianapolis. BYU-Idaho doesn't particularly give much choice over where one can student teach at; but if everything works out, we'll stay in Indianapolis. We liked it there, and I wouldn't mind living/teaching there.

4. My Past

Nothing bad. I've been thinking about my 5th grade teachers actually. It was during that time that my parent's business had gone under and we were living in poverty. My teachers brought my entire family Christmas presents one night. I was sitting in the back of our Corsica with my little brother while it warmed up, waiting for our parents to come out. We were sharing a coat that was far too large for both of us. A car pulled in behind us with its headlights off and my English teacher and her husband got out. I leaped from the backseat, not waiting for my brother to remove himself from the coat (so he fell head-first into the gravel drive-way). They were hoping to not be caught. My gratitude for my teacher's has not diminished even today. I'll always remember Mrs. Pecora, Mrs. Mead, Ms. Bryant, and Mrs. Gentry.

Some Awesome Quotes

2011-11-14T15:20:00.001-07:00

“Those who succeed and do not push on to greater failures are the spiritual middle-classers. Their stopping at success is proof of theiruncompromising insignificance. How petty their dreams must be.” — Eugene O'Neill

“There are no dull subjects, only dull writers.” - H.L.Mencken

“You have to have an idea of what you are going to do, but it should be a vague idea.” --Pablo Picasso

“The laws of poetry command us to rise above our anger and try to see the present in the light of eternity.” - Solzhenitsyn

“Language is a tool we use not to communicate.” - Harold Pinter

"When a man can observe himself suffering and is able, later, to describe what he’s gone through, it means he was born for literature."- Edouard Bourdet

"Somehow now, here, we're one, while allready
somewhere nearer we go on apart
Untouched. Our between. Our across." -Mark Z. Danielewski (from Only Revolutions)

"By something wide which feels close.
Open but feels closed. Lying weirdly
across US. Where we're
closest, where we touch, where we're one.
Somehow continuing on separately.
----Hold me tighter." -Mark Z. Danielewski (from Only Revolutions)

I really ought to be doing homework...

2011-11-09T22:03:00.004-07:00

But I'm not!

It's been a tricky semester for me so far. I've really had a difficult time getting myself to focus. Truth be told, I almost feel like...I'm not me. Like I'm watching myself from afar. Almost like my body is on autopilot and I'm not really the one in control; I'm just sort of along fro the ride.

Upon further research, I've discovered this is called "Depersonalization Disorder" which is generally brought on by some sort of trauma as a defense mechanism...only I have no trauma I am aware of. Weird. Yet, I show symptoms. I should really probably see some one about this. It can't be healthy.

In fact, it sucks. It's hard for me to connect with anyone or anything. I can't even seem to connect with myself. From what I've been reading up on it, there is no cure. Granted, I've never been to a doctor and talked all of this stuff out; but I did take an official test that is administered to patients to see if they have this...guess who scored really high? This guy.

It's tough to push through things when you don't even feel like you're there in them. It's hard to work, study, think, or even care. Awesome. I am just so awesome. Sorry Vicki. You've got damaged goods.

This Semester's Jiu-Jitsu Class

2011-11-05T15:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Jessica Beltran for taking all of the pictures!

Class has been awesome. We've got some great people coming and everyone is improving quickly! I've really enjoyed being able to teach everyone. You guys rock!

Seriously, teaching this semester has been a great experience for me. It has made me really look forward to opening up my own school when the time comes. Thanks everyone for helping me along to my goal.

Enjoy Jessica's photos.

Richard, Mike, and Jason in a ...three-way...

Dakota putting Jason into a Peruvian Neck-tie

Myself using the clock-choke

Mike using the mounted triangle choke

The 2nd photo in a row of Jason getting triangled

But we'll make up for it here with him whooping up on Isaiah

Jessica just before putting the hurt on Summer

If you want to see more pictures, you can check them out here: Jessica's Jiu-Jitsu pictures

Good News!

2011-11-01T10:08:00.002-07:00

I have officially won the short story contest that was held by Fantasy Island Book Publishing. It was a horror story contest that we had to get out friends to vote on.

It was neck and neck the entire time, but I ended up winning by around 20 votes in the end (166 to 146). Thanks to all of my friends who allowed me to spam their Facebook walls for votes without unfriending me.

You can see the results here: Contest Results

You'll also be able to read my story from there.

My prizes include: a professional edit by the FIBP editors, a collection of horror literature, and online publication of my story. Cool stuff!

On a side note, it made me super happy to notice that the founders of FIBP actually voted for my story! Yes...I feel pretty special right now.

Thanks again everyone!

New York, New York

2011-10-30T15:34:00.001-07:00

I recently visited NYC to attend Robert Mckee's Story seminar. What is the Story seminar you ask? Well then my child, allow me to tell you.

It is a seminar on screenwriting. There are loads of famous people who go to these. In fact, every time Pixar creates a movie, they send their entire creative team to his seminar. This guy is an authority on screenwriting.

You can check it out here:
http://mckeestory.com/

Anyways, it was 40 hours of lecture crammed into four days. It was super-intensive...but oh so worth it. Tuition was comparable to that of a college class, and so were the hours. I learned more about creating a story while I was there than I ever have anywhere else. I will never write the same again. It just isn't possible.

Being an English major didn't prepare me in any way for this class. It was brilliant. He also cussed brilliantly. This guy looked like a nice grandpa but he swore like I have never heard before. He made it an art form.

Anyways, I'm commissioned to write a script or two for a small production company. Here's keeping my fingers crossed.

NYC itself is also amazing. Everywhere you go, the food is made fresh. Even in a convenience store, they make the food fresh for you. It's awesome.

To settle the New York/Chicago pizza debate: they are both amazing.

Chicago is deep dish all the way. Big crust, cheese, toppings, and the sauce on top. Amazing.

Seriously. Just look at it. How could you resist?

New York pizza. It's a thin crust pizza that is greasy beyond belief. They don't use shredded cheese on top of it, they use sliced cheese. The slices are huge and made in a brick oven (even in the convenience stores they seem to have a brick oven for pizza). Amazing.

See that? That isn't even one of the best looking ones.

So, these are both pizza; but they are entirely different. I can't say if one is better than the next. It's like comparing apples and oranges.

All-in-all, NYC is a really cool place and I would totally live there...if I were rich. That place is freakin' expensive.

Theater (a short story)

2011-09-12T13:04:00.001-07:00

Jeffrey stared out the openedwindow at the streetlights as they drove through town. His mother was bringinghim home from the local theatre where she had just had her cast party tocelebrate their most recent play. He had to sit in the back again since theywere taking Ms. Houffman home. She smelled like wine and his mother smelledlike cigarettes. He never did like it when his mother smoked. Every time shetried to kiss him afterwards her breath smelled like burnt tobacco and cheaprolling paper.

“Mom. Can we have waffles in the morning?”

“Baby, don’t interrupt. Mommy’s talking.” She was always talkingto someone else. “Really though, I couldn’t believe it! We were supposed to bethe main story.”

“You know how it is. Everyone makes promises they can’tkeep.”

“We did amazing! All of that hard work we put into theproduction and all we get is a side column and a tiny picture on the frontpage. Sure, they gave us space on the third page in, but we were supposed to bethe first page! See if I put so much work into a production again.”

Waffles didsound really good right now. All they had to eat at mom’s party were some soggytomato and cucumber sandwiches. It was a grown-up party. I wish I couldactually go to parties with other kids. All I ever see are grown-ups talkingabout grow-up things and doing things that are only for adults. Like whenevermommy has one of those men over for a sleep-over, I can’t play because they aredoing things that are for grown-ups. Like those parties. Why can I go to theseparties but not play at mom’s sleepovers?

“That stupid girl. Why did she have to go and get raped? We couldhave been front page news for once in our company’s history, and instead, theyrun a story about a girl getting raped.”

“It’s because she’s some school board person’s daughter. Idunno his name.”

“Rape happens all of the time. There are hundreds orthousands per day. Who cares? If this wasn’t such a small town, it never wouldhave made the front page. It would have been a mention in the police reports.Theatre; art is far more important to the enlightenment of the masses thanhearing some sob story about how a girl couldn’t keep herself out of trouble.”

“She probably liked it anyways from what I hear about her.”

“Probably wasn’t even rape. She just got careless and had tomake an excuse I bet.”

When theydropped off Ms. Houffman Jeffrey jumped into the front seat and beamed at hismother. She was lighting another cigarette.

“Mom?”

“Hm?”

“What’s getting raped?”

“It’s being careless honey. Don’t worry about it.”

“…”

“Mom?”

“Yes baby?”

“Do you love me?”

“Of course baby. Be quiet now. Mommy has a headache.”

Blue Belt!

2011-09-08T00:41:00.003-07:00

I got it! So...here are some pictures in case anyone cares.

Jiu-jitsu tradition states that when you gain a rank advancement, you either have to get choked or thrown. I chose the choke.

Drew Brandel (the other guy in the picture) taught me almost everything I know about jiu-jitsu. I wouldn't be going where I am without him.

Boo to the Yeah

2011-08-29T22:00:00.000-07:00

So I found out Sunday afternoon that I had received my blue belt from the Gracie Jiu-Jitsu Academy. I'm the third one in Idaho.

For those of you unfamiliar with jiu-jitsu, let me offer a brief explanation: it's like wrestling, but you don't lose if you end up on your back...in fact you can win while on your back by using "submissions" (chokes or bending joints and tendons the opposite way of where they are supposed to go in order to make your opponent give up).

Yup...like that.

I've done some other martial arts before, but none have ever really stood out to me the way jiu-jitsu does. Also, unlike other martial arts, when you receive a rank/belt advancement, it actually means something. Not every place is like that, in fact, few other martial arts are.

Anyways, I've been doing jiu-jitsu for just over a year now, and I'm feeling really quite happy about the rank advancement. I'm wanting to become a certified instructor of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu and help others get their blue belts; also I would love to teach the women's self-defense class, and the children's "Bullyproof" class as well. Jiu-Jitsu has had a very positive impact on my life and I know that it can impact other's lives as well.

I'll post pictures of the belt once it arrives. It may be a few days still, but I'll be sure to show it off when I can. Anyways, take it easy!
gracieuniversity.com

From The Ground Up.: Self Defense Techniques in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu wit...

2011-08-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

From The Ground Up.: Self Defense Techniques in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu wit...: "Here is my Professor, Pedro Sauer (www.pedrosauer.com) explaining why Self Defense Techniques are important in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. He also ..."

Merry-Go-Round

2011-07-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

The day was warm and dry. Everywhere Paul looked he saw families playing together in the park. It had been only two years since Paul moved to Idaho and he was more or less adjusted to living in a highly religious community. It had been a point of discomfort in the beginning, but he had gotten used to it.

He looked towards the slide where his youngest daughter was playing. Her brown hair was blowing in the wind. They had never cut her hair even though she was two years old now. It had always seemed inconvenient. Besides, her brown, curly hair was just too cute to stick a pair of scissors to.

“Look at Sam,” Maria said from beside him on the bench. She was pointing towards the playground bridge where their son was laughing with a girl who looked to be about four, only a year younger than Sam.

“A real ladies man, eh?” said Paul.

“Just like his dad,” Maria said as she snuggled up to him and nuzzled his arm. Paul looked down at her. She was smiling up at him. He couldn’t help but to smile back at her. She had the brownest eyes he had ever seen and they went with her brown skin perfectly.

“Sam! Sarah! Come on! We’re going to go to the merry-go-round!” shouted Maria. Like perfect children, Sam and Sarah both came running, holding hands.

The line for the merry-go-round was not very long. The rides actually lasted for quite a while and were only a dollar per child. It was somewhat of a novelty in this town. There wasn’t much to be seen other than potato and cattle farms for miles. Yet, here was this town with an extravagant merry-go-round right in the middle of its tiny park. It seemed like a picture from a 1930s postcard. It was even covered in an old-style, octagon shaped pavilion. The whole scene just seemed out of place, but it worked in this town. Everything here seemed so family oriented. It was almost like living inside of a dome that nothing could get into that didn’t fit the religious culture of the area.

Once the ride started Sam and Sarah squealed in delight. Sam wouldn’t really enjoy this sort of thing by himself, but he loved his little sister and seemed to have the most fun when she was enjoying herself. As the lights flashed, and the old-school music played something caught Paul’s eye on one of the pavilion arches. It was a picture.

He had only caught a glimpse though, so he determined to see what the picture was on the next trip around. It was a missing poster. A little girl from a neighboring town had disappeared. He couldn’t make out anything else on the poster. Something disturbed him about it.

When the ride ended he walked over to the poster. “Dad, what are you doing?” Sam asked. Paul didn’t respond. That girl. She was only seven years old. A merry-go-round worker came up and ripped the poster off of the arch angrily. He stomped over to one of the young teenage workers and began to berate him. “What is this garbage? We don’t need crap like this around here. This is a family place!”

Paul walked off and squeezed Sam’s hand as they caught up to Maria and Sarah. The music played. The merry-go-round kept spinning.

If only...

2011-07-15T14:52:00.002-07:00

If I were done with school...and could trade places with Vicki (she works while I stay at home with the kids), I would totally do it! I love my kids; plus I'm totally domesticated anyways. It's a win-win.

I am so Lucky!

2011-07-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

And here is why...

It's a first edition of John Steinbeck's The Winter of Our Discontent. I found it at a used book store in Idaho Falls for only $10!

A girl from my modern literature class found a 1st edition of Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea at the same place, which inspired me to take a look. I'm glad that I did!

Interesting how that works

2011-07-11T10:19:00.000-07:00

In my modern literature class today we were discussing Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea. Let me just say this: there are few books that are better than this one.

To me, this book is about how men are God. (I say this because Hemingway didn't believe in Christianity; yet this book is loaded with Christian symbolism). I believe that the point of this book was to show us that we are responsible for our inspiration and the inspiration of others.

"Then he shouldered the mast and started to climb. It was then that he knew the depth of his tiredness...at the top he fell and lay for some time with the mast across his shoulder. He tried to get up. But it was too difficult and he sat there with the mast on his shoulder and looked at the road...finally he put the mast down and stood up. He picked the mast up and put it on his shoulder and started up the road." (Page 121).

"He slept face down on the newspapers with his arms out straight and the palms of his hands up...[the boy] saw the old man's hands and he started to cry...and all the way down the road he was crying...He did not care that they saw him crying." (Page 122).

""Those were two fine fish you took yesterday too."
"Damn my fish," the boy said and he started to cry again." (Page 123).

""Now we can fish together again."
"No. I am not lucky. I am not lucky anymore."
"To hell with luck," the boy said. "I'll bring the luck with me."
"What will your family say?"
"I do not care. I caught two yesterday. But we will fish together now for I still have much to learn."" (Page 125).

Putting aside our own wants for others makes us saviors and disciples. Every individual man has the ability to be a savior. Why should we not lift others? You don't have to be Christian or even religious at all to be a savior of others. All it really takes is work. How willing are we to put ourselves out there and do that work?

Updated writing...

2011-07-08T19:31:00.000-07:00

She walked ahead; and I followed.

“It’s too much,” I thought. A slow mist had seeped its way into the night. Her pea coat was wrapped in the cool moisture that crowded around us. Despite the fact that we were alone on this garden path, the mist made me feel claustrophobic to an insane degree. I had to get away. Still, instead of running away, I chased after her. Peace has never had as great a draw on the souls of mankind as has violent curiosity.

“You need this…” she whispered in an almost sensual tone as I trotted to her side. Her black clothing absorbed what little lamplight broke through the mist. The long red hair under her black fedora seemed pale; almost more pale than her fair skin that looked like it had poured straight from a lotion bottle. She was a dangerous kind of beautiful.

“Need what?” I asked as my voice cracked.

“You.”

I said nothing in return. She looked down at me as her long legs carried her much too fast for my liking. Six and a half feet tall; she had to be. I am just over six feet and I seem so small next to her; height-wise anyways. My gut never did allow me to be smaller than many people and it was causing me to perspire at this moment as we walked briskly through the park, pressing through the mist. Her slender waist seemed to cut right through it as her bright, red lips guided me through the dense moisture. The autumn leaves glowed with a haunting orange as we passed by them; they appeared to me more easily than the stone path I was walking on.

Where she was taking me I still had no clue; but I didn’t care. The feelings of claustrophobia were still there albeit distant. It’s as though when I stood right by her side I was inside a glass box and the fear was a group of hideous monsters that lurked outside watching me, but unable to enter; able only to claw at the glass and threaten me with the knowledge that I could not stay in this glass box forever…she would leave.

“It happens now,” she began. “You think you have known yourself; you have known nothing. All of your deeds, your thoughts, opinions, beliefs; they are as an orchestra is to a man. They may be beautifully constructed well enough to move a man, yet they are not of the man whom they move. The man they move is nothing more than an observer of his own life; a life being lived through someone else’s crafting.”

I was stupefied. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You shall,” is all she responded before she began to fade. This woman was stretching, elongating, becoming thin and tall; she must have reached eight feet in height while she grew more and more thin. It was like watching the smoke vanish after blowing out a candle. She just became so thin that she was gone.

I stood dumbfounded for only a moment; I didn’t want to look like an idiot should someone see me; though I knew that to be ridiculous since we had seen no one else the entire walk. There was a familiar crumpling sound as I stuck my hand into my jacket pocket: paper. I pulled out a manila envelope that had not been there when I first arrived in the park. “Keep walking as you read this.” That was all that was written on the outside; so I did just that. My fingernail dug under the lip of the envelope and I ripped it open all the way across. There was more inside than I had expected. I pulled out the piece of white paper that had been folded over first.

They know you. They will always know you because they always have known you. There is no such thing as the present. You must remember that if you are to make it. The past and the future exist as one; the place where they meet is what most consider the present, but that is false. It is all one and does not happen linearly. Every moment is eternal.

She didn’t sign it. I never knew her name…

The next item I withdrew was a Polaroid photograph of a man I didn’t recognize. He was extremely tall and wore a black, pin-striped suit. His hair has dark and slicked back. There were red stains covering his right hand in which he held a telescopic, police baton that was covered in even more red than his hand. On the back of the photo were the words, “Here’s lookin’ at you kid! ‘98”

I dug my hand back into the envelope and found a small metal box, almost the same size as a cuff-links box, made of silver and etched with an intricate pattern. Deciphering the pattern would have to wait as would opening the box; it was locked and I couldn’t see any place where a key might fit. I dropped it back into the envelope and pulled out a very old looking eagle claw knife. The handle was wrapped in black leather with a ring at the bottom for placing a finger in. The same symbol that appeared at the end of her letter was also on this ancient looking leather-wrapped handle. It felt surprisingly warm in my hands. As chilly as the night was, and the fact that no one had touched it recently before myself put me off a bit, but I ignored the discomfort I felt as I placed the knife in my right jacket pocket.

The last item that I found in the envelope was a locker key. The locker was all the way out in Chicago at a train station. I really wasn’t sure what use this was supposed to be to me. Still, I kept it just the same.

I looked up and saw that I was nearing the main road on the other side of the park. The lights from the 7/11 were lighting up the orange trees even more, causing them to appear even more ominous than before; as if they were reaching out to beg me not to leave, just as a spider might soothe its victim before it becomes entangled. No, I wouldn’t stay. The safety of civilization was calling me from the foggy mystery that I was still attempting to push through.

As I entered the convenience store my eyes had a terrible time adjusting to the greenish, fluorescent glow of the long, unnatural bulbs in the ceiling. There were black skid-marks all over the floor, though mainly in front of the beer-case and the aisle where they sell the condoms. The night clerk was a fat, bald man who looked like he had either served jail-time or watched too many episodes of Miami Ink. His black goatee had crumbs and ketchup in it, presumably from the half-finished hotdog on the counter-top next to him. He glanced up at me from his Hustler Magazine with his eyes only and quickly went back to scanning the pages of brightly colored, exploited human filth; his fingers marking a previous page.

I walked towards the bathrooms and found that they were just as awful as the Hustler and the floors by the beer case. Bathrooms are a funny thing like that; everyone has to use them and there’s really no way to avoid coming in contact with them; yet we do our best to not touch anything in them, not even to clean them. A public restroom is the worst by far with its puddles of urine and brow-speckled walls; the air alone is enough to make even the most healthy of men to feel sick. In fact, as I stood washing my hands, I began to feel sick myself; suddenly and violently sick even; not a nauseated kind of sick, but a weak, flu sort of sick. I began to cough hard, rasping, deep coughs. As I fell to my knees I grasped the sink if only to slow my slump to the floor. “What the hell?” I thought in between a deep breath and another hack.

My eyes caught a glimpse of something in the mirror above me. It was tall and black; so tall I couldn’t see the top of its reflection. Suddenly voices flooded the bathroom, whispering voices, haunting voices, voices just outside of my mind. There were so many that I couldn’t understand them. The thing in the mirror moved. I gasped air and held it. My eyes closed tight. Cold. It was so cold. Moving on my back. “Always.” I understood. The voices were saying, “Always. Always. Always. Always. Always. Always.” I couldn’t take it. Too much. Too many voices. I felt weaker by the moment; and each moment seemed to trap me in its violence. I slipped all the way to the floor. Couldn’t see. Everything was dark. Disoriented. Had I hit my head? The voices became more violent in their declarations of “Always.” I tried to reach for the sink then…silence. Sudden silence. Something moved by my ear. A cold breeze breathed, “We’re watching.”

Strength or not, I clamored to the door on all fours, my hands still wet and soapy from the sink. I kept slipping on the cold, hard, dirty-green tile. I grasped the door handle and pulled as hard as I could only to hit myself in the chest; I fell to my side and threw the door the remainder of the way opened and yanked myself out of the bathroom by the door frame. As soon as I was free of the restroom, my strength returned. Scrambling up I made a dash for the poster-covered glass doors. The night clerk still only glanced up from his magazine as I burst through the door. He must have seen enough people tripping out during his shift to not let it bother him.

I ran as hard as I could for as long as I could. Despite being fairly out of shape, I sprinted for a long time. By the time I slowed down I had come to an all-night diner that was five blocks away from the 7/11. The lights were all on and there were people inside making it a perfect place for me to seek refuge. Thankfully the doors pushed opened; because my hands were shaking too hard to have grabbed a doorknob.

Three cups of coffee later I decided to return to my apartment. The sun was beginning to rise over the city skyline. Seeing the reds, oranges, yellows and purples that the new light brought was nauseating in a beautiful sort of way. I always hated the sunrises; they give a feeling of hope and renewal in a world that has been completely shattered by the firings of mankind’s ingenuity and progress that tear through the souls of man like a hollow-point slug. Hope doesn’t belong in our world. It is an alien concept to the modern man who sleeps, rises, wastes his day away for a few pieces of green paper, and sleeps again. We don’t understand anything past our folded green cotton that we clutch so greedily. Yet, I was beginning to understand.

When I got home, I showered, shaved and took a long nap. It wasn’t until about noon that I got out of bed and made myself some more coffee. Reaching into the pocket of my jacket that I had slung over a chair, I removed the envelope that I had received the night before and dumped its contents onto my floor in front of my couch. I sat with my legs crossed in front of the pile and began to go through the contents more carefully now that I had a chance to do so.

Websites I've created...

2011-06-29T20:21:00.000-07:00

This one is just a portfolio thingy for myself.
http://jaredloper.weebly.com/

And this one is for the BYU-I Jiu-Jitsu club.
http://byuibjj.weebly.com/

Some random writing

2011-06-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

She walked ahead; and I followed.

“Need what?” I asked as my voice cracked.

“You.”

Where she was taking me I still had no clue; but I didn’t care. The feelings of claustrophobia were still there albeit distant. It’s as though if I stood right by her side I was inside a glass box and the fear was hideous monsters that lurked outside watching me, but unable to enter; able only to claw at the glass and threaten me with the knowledge that I could not stay in this glass box forever…she would leave.

I was stupefied. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I stood dumbfounded for only a moment; I didn’t want to look like an idiot should someone see me; though I knew that to be ridiculous since we had seen no one else the entire walk. There was a familiar crumpling sound as I stuck my hand into my jacket pocket; paper. I pulled out a manila envelope that had not been there when I first arrived in the park. “Keep walking as you read this.” That was all that was written on the outside; so I did just that. My fingernail dug under the lip of the envelope and I ripped it open all the way across. There was more inside than I had expected. I pulled out the piece of white paper that had been folded over first.

They know you James. They will always know you because they always have known you. There is no such thing as the present James. You must remember that if you are to make it. The past and the future exist as one; the place where they meet is what most consider the present, but that is false. It is all one and does not happen linearly. Every moment is eternal.

She didn’t sign it. I never knew her name…

I looked up and saw that I was nearing the main road on the other side of the park. The lights from the 7-11 were lighting up the orange trees even more, causing them to appear even more ominous than before; as if they were reaching out to beg me not to leave, just as a spider might soothe it’s victim before it becomes entangled. No, I wouldn’t stay. The safety of civilization was calling me from the foggy mystery that I was still attempting to get through.

I'm not listening!

2011-06-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

Funny story...earlier today, someone I know posted a link to a political story. In fact, here is the story he posted: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/06/27/critics-say-soros-trying-to-stack-courts/

Here's the deal...the article doesn't really say anything. It claims that one man is trying to get "merit selection" pushed through in some places. Merit selection means that lawyers pick the judges instead of people voting for them.

The article makes references to vague authorities; "critics" and "supporters". Then the article turns into a straw-man argument by simply attacking the idea of merit selection. However, one would get the impression that the man mentioned in the article is responsible for the existence of merit selection. It's not that I support merit selection...it's that I don't support poor journalism. This article was filled with nothing...and backed up with nothing.

I mentioned this to my friend who originally posted the article by posting it on the article itself. He was a good sport about it. He realized the err of his false-propaganda spreading ways and removed the article and apologized.

Nah, just kidding. He did delete the post...only to re-post it without my comment on it. What a sweetheart.

I guess people just have a belief in their heads and only want to hear what supports it. That's called confirmation bias...and we all have it. However, if there is one thing I have learned in college, it's to question what you read/hear/see. If we simply accept all we hear, or whatever we want to hear, we will be the most ignorant people on earth. While I will never claim to have all of the answers, I will do my best to deconstruct poor argumentation.

The entire point of writing!

2011-06-24T10:22:00.002-07:00

John Steinbeck's Nobel Prize Acceptance Speech 1962

I thank the Swedish Academy for finding my work worthy of this highest honor. In my heart there may be doubt that I deserve the Nobel Award over other men of letters whom I hold in respect or reverence--but there is no question of my pleasure and pride in having it for myself.

It is customary for the recipient of this award to offer scholarly or personal comment on the nature and direction of literature. However, I think it would be well at this particular time to consider the high duties and responsibilities of the makers of literature.

Such is the prestige of the Nobel Award and of this place where I stand that I am impelled, not to speak like a grateful and apologetic mouse, but to roar like a lion out of pride in my profession and in the great and good men who have practiced it through the ages.

Literature was not promulgated by a pale and emasculated critical priesthood singing their litanies in empty churches--nor is it a game for the cloistered elect, the tin-horn mendicants of low-calorie despair.

Literature is as old as speech. It grew out of human need for it and it has not changed except to become more needed. The skalds, the bards, the writers are not separate and exclusive. From the beginning, their functions, their duties, their responsibilities have been decreed by our species.

Humanity has been passing through a gray and desolate time of confusion. My great predecessor, William Faulkner, speaking here, referred to it as a tragedy of universal physical fear, so long sustained that there were no longer problems of the spirit, so that only the human heart in conflict with itself seemed worth writing about. Faulkner, more than most men, was aware of human strength as well as of human weakness. He knew that the understanding and the resolution of fear are a large part of the writer's reason for being.

This is not new. The ancient commission of the writer has not changed. He is charged with exposing our many grievous faults and failures, with dredging up to the light our dark and dangerous dreams for the purpose of improvement.

Furthermore, the writer is delegated to declare and to celebrate man's proven capacity for greatness of heart and spirit--for gallantry in defeat, for courage, compassion and love. In the endless war against weakness and despair, these are the bright rally flags of hope and of emulation. I hold that a writer who does not passionately believe in the perfectibility of man has no dedication nor any membership in literature.

The present universal fear has been the result of a forward surge in our knowledge and manipulation of certain dangerous factors in the physical world. It is true that other phases of understanding have not yet caught up with this great step, but there is no reason to presume that they cannot or will not draw abreast. Indeed, it is part of the writer's responsibility to make sure that they do. With humanity's long, proud history of standing firm against all of its natural enemies, sometimes in the face of almost certain defeat and extinction, we would be cowardly and stupid to leave the field on the eve of our greatest potential victory.

Understandably, I have been reading the life of Alfred Nobel; a solitary man, the books say, a thoughtful man. He perfected the release of explosive forces capable of creative good or of destructive evil, but lacking choice, ungoverned by conscience or judgment.

Nobel saw some of the cruel and bloody misuses of his inventions. He may have even foreseen the end result of all his probing--access to ultimate violence, to final destruction. Some say that he became cynical, but I do not believe this. I think he strove to invent a control--a safety valve. I think he found it finally only in the human mind and the human spirit.

To me, his thinking is clearly indicated in the categories of these awards. They are offered for increased and continuing knowledge of man and of his world---for understanding andcommunication, which are the functions of literature. And they are offered for demonstrations of the capacity for peace--the culmination of all the others.

Less than fifty years after his death, the door of nature was unlocked and we were offered the dreadful burden of choice. We have usurped many of the powers we once ascribed to God. Fearful and unprepared, we have assumed lordship over the life and death of the whole world of all living things. The danger and the glory and the choice rest finally in man. The test of his perfectibility is at hand.

Having taken God-like power, we must seek in ourselves for the responsibility and the wisdom we once prayed some deity might have. Man himself has become our greatest hazard and our only hope. So that today, saint John the Apostle may well be paraphrased: In the end is the word, and the word is man, and the word is with man.

http://www.subtletea.com/johnsteinbeckspeech.htm

Rahab the Good Example

2011-06-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

So...while studying the Old Testament I came across the story of Rahab in Joshua 2. She was a prostitute...yet despite that, she is STILL an example of righteousness to us today.

You see, Rahab hid the Israelite spies because she felt it was the correct thing to do. She could have turned them in; she could have saved her nation by not helping them; yet, despite any political or social happenings of the day, she did what she felt was the right thing to do, knowing it would cost the lives of her fellow country-men.

We don't always look at people and think they can be an example to us. We judge them and we think we can't learn from them because we're better than them, older than them, maybe we powdered their butts when they were kids; none of it matters though. Anyone who is willing to can learn good from the whores, the drunks, the addicts, the thieves, the criminals. We can learn from little children, the aging, the social outcast, our own children whether young or old, our siblings, even the handicapped and disabled.

Just because we choose not to live the same sort of life as someone else doesn't mean that we can't learn from them; and it doesn't necessarily make them bad people either. Our pride in our decisions is what makes us good or bad. Are we too proud to admit when we are wrong? Are we too proud of how much better we live our lives compared to others? Attitude is everything. Attitude will keep you from becoming better; and it will keep you from learning from others.

Don't act like you have all of the answers. Because you don't. No one does. Everyone can teach you something.

Might as Well

2011-06-20T15:39:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to originally put this up here in fear of someone reading it who shouldn't. Then I realized I should stop deluding myself...no one reads my blog. So, with that in mind, I don't care.

My father has started drinking. He claims that it has only been for a few weeks; but I don't believe him. Why? Because he says he drinks to help him relax. If there is one thing that research has shown, it is that alcohol for relaxation, or to change your mental state, is indeed a major symptom of the addict. As seen here on page 103. http://dionysus.psych.wisc.edu/Lit/Articles/BowmanK1941a.pdf

Another reason? He says he's not willing to give it up. Also see page 103 of the above link.

I really am not sure what to say...my father has been a moral authority to me often in my life. Now...well, he isn't. Coming from my religious stand-point, we believe in eternal families based of following certain commandments and principles. My father is no longer following those principles. It feels as though he has given our family the middle finger and said, "I don't care".

If you don't see it from our faith's point of view...well, it might not seem like a big deal. Except that he knows precisely how much it hurts the rest of us who care about him; and he chooses to do it anyways. I highly doubt if my mother will stick around with him anymore. I'll be extremely surprised if she does.

Moving out and not living under my father's roof have been the best things that ever happened to my father and I's relationship. I have actually enjoyed speaking with him since then. I love my dad very much. That hasn't changed; but I have never been so disappointed in my life.

Dad, I'm hurt. And no, you don't understand. You've effectively shaken so many of the things I believed and felt about you...and you don't seem to care.

Wow...

2011-06-18T12:55:00.001-07:00

I am at a loss...

Langston Hughes poem

2011-06-17T12:03:00.004-07:00

Powerful and beautiful.

Let America Be America Again: By Langston Hughes

Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed--
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There's never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.")

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?

I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek--
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one's own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean--
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That's made America the land it has become.
O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home--
For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore,
And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa's strand I came
To build a "homeland of the free."

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we've dreamed
And all the songs we've sung
And all the hopes we've held
And all the flags we've hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay--
Except the dream that's almost dead today.

O, let America be America again--
The land that never has been yet--
And yet must be--the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME--
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose--
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people's lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath--
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain--
All, all the stretch of these great green states--
And make America again!

Ha!

2011-06-07T11:42:00.002-07:00

The whole admissions thing worked out. Boo-to-the-yeah!

BYU-I and Admissions...

2011-06-07T07:52:00.000-07:00

So...I'm a fastgrad student (meaning I go to school year round); however, when I was accepted to the fastgrad program, no on told me that I would have to resubmit my application every year. So...today being the day I could register for Fall classes, naturally, I sat down extra early this morning to get it all done. Well, that didn't work so well since I had no idea about resubmitting my application.

I've spent my morning running back and forth between the admissions office and the satellite advising office trying to get everything worked out. Finally, all of the paper-work is done and I ought to be able to register for classes...in 24 hours...

I've only got two semesters of classes left...assuming that I can get all of the classes I need to. Here's to hoping this extra 24 hours doesn't screw me over, otherwise I'll miss Mexico next summer and will have to stay an extra semester in Rexburg (which I would not get a Pell grant for). Wish me luck!

On a lighter note, I did get my passport yesterday! I'm very much looking forward to a trip to Mexico and getting some real experience!

How Yesterday's Steak Became Today's Salad...

2011-06-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

First, I just drained some corn and black beans and added them to some lettuce/onion. Then I sliced up yesterday's steak and put some of that onto the salad as well.

Then I poured on my homemade Cafe Rio style dressing! (Compliments of http://www.ourbestbites.com/2009/03/creamy-lime-cilantro-dressing/. Though I made a lite version with fat free mayo and skim milk. Still just as yummy).

And ta-da! Cafe Rio style carne salad! Add IBC Root Beer and enjoy!

So fellas, if you like your meat, but not your greens...this is a great way to get it done! It's making my taste buds feel like sex...er, I mean...it taste good. Yeah. That's it.

Dinner tonight!

2011-06-01T15:07:00.003-07:00

Chili-Lime rubbed Flank steak...

http://www.ourbestbites.com/2009/03/lime-chili-rubbed-steak/

And....

Homemade orange soda!

http://www.cherryteacakes.com/2011/05/homemade-sodas-and-party-planning-tips.html

Yup...I'm awesome.

(By the way...It all looked very much like the above pictures. Boo to the yeah!)

Ever feel left out?

2011-05-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

Yup. So does this guy. I'm pretty sure that I'm not all that well liked here. Why not? I dunno. I try to be sociable...perhaps I just rub people the wrong way?

Either way, we're moving soon...perhaps we'll run into people who actually don't mind having me around.

Only Revolutions

2011-05-25T11:18:00.000-07:00

So, I've been reading "Only Revolutions" lately. I'm just past half-way done; and it's amazing! It a book-sized epic poem told from two perspectives. Anyways, here's some awesome quote from it that I just wrote down today.

"Because we're allways sixteen and
it's allways their loss. The long across
rushing towards a personal cost. Not me. I'm free.
I'm Unrest under
the Rest of their contests."

"Because We're allways sixteen and
it's allways their loss. The long across
rushing towards the only personal
receipt. Not me. I'm free.
I'm Victory over
Ties Them compete at."

"Somehow now, here, we're one, while allready
somewhere nearer we go on apart
Untouched. Our between. Our across."

"By something wide which feels close.
Open but feels closed. Lying weirdly
across US. Where we're
closest, where we touch, where we're one.
Somehow continuing on separately.
----Hold me tighter."

"---Everlasting Whims & Everlasting Loss.
Against Horror's passing with Love's passing.
Between Them you must choose.
---Choice then is always Them?
---Love &Horror's impermanence forever against
Loss & the Caprice of endurance."

"---Here's to deciding.
---So glad.
---Allready welling up.
---Laughter won't ever stop me.
---I can't help bleeding.
---Everyone dreams the Dream
but we are it."

Living Life

2011-05-24T07:03:00.001-07:00

I once heard the quote (which I must paraphrase for lack of a good memory on part) "If we spend our time reading about life but never live it, we have a wasted life." Something along those lines anyways...

You get the idea.

As an English major...this sometimes bothers me. Why? Well, I sometimes feel like I'm not really living life. Please please please don't make the mistake that I'm about to talk about how my wife and kids are dream smashers. That's not the case at all.

I suppose, that in all honesty, the grass is always greener on the other side. Would it be cool to have total freedom to go around and do whatever I wanted? Sure...but I know it wouldn't actually be like that. I'd probably waste my time on video games just like I did before I got married and had kids. I recognize that the reason the grass looks greener is just because the light hits it a certain way at the moment. In reality, the grass on the other side is no better or worse than the grass I'm standing on. It's just a different yard is all.

Here is a gratuitous picture of grass. You're welcome.

Let's get to the root of my problem, shall we? I feel like I don't live life enough...so what do I do in my free time? Facebook, youtube, etc. I'm substituting a real life for a shallow social media life. My goodness, it sucks to be honest about things like this.

Let's make a list of things I'd like to try or do etc.

1. Oil painting. Let's face it: oil painting is cool. I don't care what you say.
2. Furniture restoration/design. Truthfully, some women in church got me interested in this...despite only meeting women who do this, I would really like to jump in on it and give it a shot. Which leads to...
3. Interior design. Yet another "feminine" thing that I actually think I'd do well at.
4. Travel. Sure, I'm going to Mexico next summer...I'm fairly certain that will only end up increasing my desire to travel. Europe is a place I've always wanted to go through. I'd better talk to Vicki about it and start saving my pennies.
5. Finally get to my goal weight range and stay there. (Like I don't talk about it enough without action)...I'm seriously beginning to get my motivation back after a year of having none. I've maintained my weight loss thus far...but I really should have already been down to my goal.

There you go. Mainly, it all revolves around creation and breaking the mundane. I have got to get out of the mundane. Really, I've trapped myself.

I'm going to give it to myself and my family. My kids deserve to feel free.

Life isn't going to keep passing me by...

Vivire en Mexico verano proximo!

2011-05-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

That's right! Next summer I will be in Mexico! Tehuacan, Puebla to be exact. I'm going to be teaching English to students in the school system there. It should be lots of fun!

I'm really looking forward to the chance to help other people out and have the chance to practice my Spanish in a real-world setting as well.

This is a wonderful opportunity to expand my horizons, make new contacts, and just make myself a better person. Opportunities like this don't come up often for people like myself. Let's face it...I'm broke. There's no way I could do this without the university pitching in and helping me go.

Wish me luck, help me practice Spanish, and feel free to sponsor me...because I'm broke. Thanks!

My journal

2011-05-09T14:03:00.000-07:00

My journal is something that I love very very much...although we have an on-again off-again relationship at times. What's so great about my journal you ask? Well, nothing really. In fact, it can be quite boring at times. (If it's boring to me, the author of said journal, it's gotta be way more boring to everyone else).

Despite this, there have been a great deal of themes of thought that have been filling my journal as of late. I suppose in many ways, I'm still discovering who I am. It's a journey that I doubt ever really ends; because life and perceptions always change. Anyways, here are some thoughts I've had recently:

1. Apparently, I love to be challenged mentally. My major doesn't always allow for a challenge (English Education). It comes easy for me, and though I have improved drastically in my college career, I still feel unchallenged by it. However, I love my Spanish class. It really challenges me; as opposed to sitting in classes where I actually learn very little.

2. We impose meaning on our own lives, as well as the lives of others. Why do we talk so highly of the deceased whether they were anything more than average or not? Because we want to feel important and meaningful through association. My personal belief is that aside from what my religion teaches me about the purpose of life, there really is no other meaning. I DO belive that we are Gods in embryo; but I also believe that were it not for that, we would be nothing more than intelligent animals. Everything we do is to try and stand-out from our fellow man in one way or another. The fact of the matter is: one day we will die and human history will be unconcerned with the bulk of us. (Kind of a downer, I know).

3. Humans are walking contradictions. When we think of ourselves, we think of one individual. I believe that a person is made up of multiple personalities (or levels of consciousness would be more accurate). Each personality comes and goes as required for social situations, interpersonal relationships, work, school, when we are by ourselves, etc. No one is the same everywhere; and we often find that our views contradict other of our views. We can never really know ourselves without stepping outside of ourselves and seeing all of the different parts...or stepping deeply into ourselves. Whichever you prefer; but I wouldn't worry, I doubt many of us are fully capable of either.

4. I am an exo-stentionalist. I believe in chance, luck, coincidence, and random occurrences. Yes, I believe God does influence us; but I don't think He forces everything to happen. Sure, He may sometimes make series of events occur for our good or for our humbling...but I don't honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. I think God lets us do our own thing for the most part. Our lives are a result of our choices, and the outside influences of those around us. We decide our fate so far as our fellow man allows.

There you go. Some of my thoughts. Either I'm an amazing philosopher, or that crazy guy that some cult bases its beliefs off of later. Or maybe I'm neither, and I'm just an idiot. I'll let you decide.

Well...That Lasted a Long Time Didn't It?

2011-04-26T12:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry. The night shift killed me over the weekend. Healthy eating and exercise went out the window...I'm still waiting on them to return. Oh well.

Day 6

2011-04-21T19:08:00.002-07:00

No work-out or new recipes today. However, my diet has remained good. I start my new job tonight at 11PM...unfortunately, I have only gained one hour of sleep in my attempted naps today...we'll see what happens. Wish me luck puh-lease!

Day 5

2011-04-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

Just a small update, because I promised I would. My official weight at weight watchers was 228. Not great; but not as bad as expected.

Today's exercise consisted of some heavy jiu-jitsu training. I had a light training session this morning; but had a tough one this evening. My arms are very very tired. Just know that it was a good work-out.

I'll let you know what my weight is next week. We'll see how much I've lost at that point...it should be a pretty good week.

On a side note, I start my job as an over-night custodian tomorrow at 11pm. Wish me luck!

Day 4

2011-04-19T19:36:00.000-07:00

...has not been a good day for weight loss. No exercise and half a stuffed pizza do not make for a healthy day. Just throwing that out there in case you didn't know.

Day 3

2011-04-18T13:35:00.001-07:00

Here is today's workout. It is freaking exhausting. But the great thing about it...it's all a bodyweight workout. You don't need any equipment whatsoever.

Ok, so skip up to 4:12, because that's where it really starts.

There are 10 separate exercises involved in this workout. You do each of them individually as many times as you can in 45 seconds, then rest for 15 seconds in between each exercise...then you do the next one 45 on 15 off. After you get through all 10 exercises, take a ONE minute break...then do it all again; 45 on 15 off. You should do the entire workout 3-5 times. I do it 3...and I'm beat by the end. Really I am.

If you are in need of a timer to keep track of the 45-15, here is a link to a free online timer I use: http://www.beach-fitness.com/tabata/

Good luck, and for those of you who try this one out, let me know how it goes!

Day 2

2011-04-17T16:37:00.000-07:00

Today's recipe...guacamole chicken and fried green beans. Lots-o-protein in this meal.

Now, this may be cheating, but I have a food processor that I used to make the guacamole. It consist of a handful of small, sweet peppers, one large avocado, and two large tomatoes. I would normally only use one tomato and a bunch of tomatillos, but I realized my tomatillos had gone bad. Anyways, I was also going to make it a mango guacamole...but my mango had also gone bad. Alas...I was forced to make it a lemon-lime guacamole instead.

The chicken can be made any way you want: baked, grilled, fried, etc. (I actually wrote etc. because I exhausted my knowledge of ways to make chicken. So if you know some other way...by all means, be my guest). I used our George Foreman grill and just grilled the stuff.

Fried green beans are always a treat. Again, I had fresh ones I was going to use...but they had gone bad as well. (Are you noticing a trend here? I know I am). So, I found some that we had home-canned previously. All you do is whisk and egg in a bowl, cover the green beans in it, then dump into another bowl of flour. After the green beans are covered in flour, dump them into a pre-heated pan with as much oil or butter as needed. (I used olive oil because it is a bit healthier than butter). A few moments later and voila! Fried green beans.

So...there you have it. Easy meal.

As far as my health/weight is concerned, I'm not doing too bad. I've been eating rather healthy these last few days, and I have begun exercising again. After last Saturday's tournament, I was sore for days and couldn't even get around without wincing until Wednesday.

I have a weight watchers meeting Tuesday night. I'll let you know what my official weight is after that.

All comments are most welcomed. Any encouragement is greatly appreciated. I've struggled in getting to a healthy weight for far too long. I don't my own life to keep passing me by and I sure don't want my children's lives to pass me by because I'm not healthy enough to be an active part of it.

Day 1

2011-04-16T10:52:00.001-07:00

Yup...I'm blogging in the kitchen. Over the next 30 days I will be keeping you posted on meals I prepare, or workouts I perform. Today, it's a recipe. I'm making corn-cakes and collard greens (which, contrary to what my wife says, are the best side dish around). Both are very simple to make.

The corn cakes consist of one can of sweet corn, 3/4 cups flour, 1 egg, and as much skim milk as needed. First, pour the juice out of the can of corn, then empty the kernels into a bowl. Then, add the flour and the egg and mix them together. Then, pour/stir in the milk until the batter becomes slightly runny...but not too runny. Heat 2 tbsp of olive oil in a pan over a med-low heat and pour the batter in 1/2 cup at a time. (Should make four cakes). flip when each side is done. Sprinkle some basil on top if you want it to look a bit fancier when it's done.

The collard greens are even more easy. Heat 2 tbsp of olive oil in a pan on med heat. Add garlic, chopped green onions and collard greens all at once and cook until leaves have begun to shrivel.

Most vegetables give you the most nutrition when raw...not so with collard greens. See, they're tough to digest before they get cooked, so they won't give you much nutrition until they've been softened up through the cooking process. They are EXTREMELY good for you and have lots of fiber with very few calories.

That's today's recipe. Check back tomorrow, and we'll see what we have for you then!

Back-yard gym

2011-04-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

So, I've recently acquired some big jeep tires and a sledgehammer, making my backyard gym all that much more awesome. I don't have all of my equipment in this picture; but this is what got used today...and I'm exhausted.

So, I think I need to use this blog a bit more to discuss my weight loss. Last time I weighed in, I was at 226. That puts me at around the lowest I've been in my adult life. So...perhaps I will start posting some of my trainings and food I make on here.

So today, I did 5 minutes of pounding the tires with the sledgehammer. Then I did 2 minutes of throwing/stacking tires. 3 minutes free-for-all on the heavy bag. 3 minutes of 1-2 punch, burpie, stand, thai kick. 4 minutes jumping on the tires; and 3 minutes jump rope.

Afterwards, I made a salad with almonds and raspberry vinegar. Boom. Delicious.

Tournament videos!

2011-04-13T07:47:00.000-07:00

Here are the new videos. They have finally uploaded to youtube.

First match (and possibly the most boring to watch if you don't know jiu-jitsu). I won with an arm-bar from the guard.

Quarter finals. My camera man forgot to start the camera until the last 6 seconds of a 43 second match.

Semi-finals. I won with yet another arm-bar. This one is a bit more exciting to watch.

And this is the finals match. It was long, but very exciting. For some reason blogger won't let me embed it, so here's the link. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXOtJna8rSw

New Tournament Photos!

2011-04-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple more. I now have all the photos I will have. I will post all of the videos tomorrow. Enjoy!

The start of the final match.

Defending the cross-choke in guard. This was the big turning point of the match.

The winners of the absolute division.

They were two tough guys!

Tournament Victory!

2011-04-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

So...I won 1st place in the absolute division. That's actually a pretty darn big deal. See, they take everyone on the same skill level, and instead of dividing them up by weight, they throw them all into one giant bracket...and somehow I came out on top out of more than 20 competitors. I...was...so...excited! This is the biggest win I've ever had; and possibly the biggest win I ever will have.

So...without further adieu, here are some pictures. Never fear...more to come (and some video) as I get them.

This one is an arm-bar from the guard. It's how I won my first match which lasted just over 14 minutes...that wore me out!

This is him just tapping out to the arm-bar.

Truthfully...this one is just here because I thought it looked cool.

This is him in my guard putting the pressure on me just before the arm-bar.

This is a picture of me with my trophy. As you can tell by the quality...this is not a professional picture. So when I get that one I'll post it.

Honestly, I'm almost certain that I don't want to compete again for a while. I'd rather shift my focus over to advancing in rank and working to become a certified instructor. So...I'll most likely be pulling out of the tournament that is coming later in the month. We'll see...

Tournament Tomorrow...

2011-04-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

Well, tomorrow I will be competing in the Champion Submission Challenge XVI (http://utahchampion.com/). Yup, it's the same one I did in November and got first place in; however, this time they have divided the weight brackets up differently, so I will be fighting giants. I'm not so sure that I'll walk away with a first place trophy this time; but I'll try my very hardest to do so.

Also, they have made absolute divisions this time around...meaning that it's a free-for-all regardless of weight. They'll make a huge bracket with all of the people in my rookie division and see who comes out on top. So, because of this, I have two chances to win...they are just both going to be harder than what I experienced in my last outing. So wish me luck, because I am really going to need it.

Jiu-jitsu is something that I have really loved from the start. I recognize that I'm not exactly the best out there; but at the same time, I'm really not too bad at it either. This tournament is going to test my strengths and my weaknesses in my game. I'll let you know how it goes!

GOOOOOOOOOAL!

2011-03-24T17:42:00.002-07:00

So, lately I've been setting daily goals for myself on a variety of things. One of the things I've been doing is making myself a daily menu. That has actually been really good for me; it helps me to stick to a healthy plan all of the time. I lost 2.8 pounds last week thanks to that.

I've also set goals for house cleaning, homework, exercise, reading, and for the spiritual sort of stuff as well. It feels good; really it does.

I can thank Catelynn Day for inspiring me to do daily goals. It's kind of awesome to feel accomplished at the end of each day.

...And some lyrical inspiration...

2011-03-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

Adventure Today

Drop me off right here
I can go no further
It seems life's too hard for you
How come I feel like hanging around you
When it seems you always lose
When you're stuck in the middle
With rejections again
It's time to call your reject friends
And meet me at the bottom of the wishing well range
And talk about an hour of change

And it seems so bad
Yeah, it so bad
Can we rescue ourselves from the former lives we had?

Is it too late?
Is it game over?
Will it get better?
It's better already!

'Cause
Willy don't got an eye
Willy don't got an eye
He lost it on the Fourth of July
He don't got an eye
Willy don't got an eye
Willy don't got an eye
Things will never be the same 'cause
Willy's eye is lame

Don't throw sparklers or shoot guns through the air
'Cause you never know when it's coming down
Breathtaking Soccer
Can be such a shocker
So try to get away somehow
When all you got is your bike
But Bike Rides are dumb
You gotta take a look inside
And find the secrets to life
Are down at the bottom
Of the underground waterslide

And it seems so bad
Yeah, it so bad
Can we rescue ourselves from the former lives we had?

Is it too late?
Is it game over?
Will it get better?
It's better already!

'Cause
Willy don't got an eye
Willy don't got an eye
He lost it on the Fourth of July
He don't got an eye
Willy don't got an eye
Willy don't got an eye
Things will never be the same 'cause
Willy's eye is lame

Can we remember what we've got
Before we open our big mouths
To complain about the things we cannot change?
Instead of always asking why
At least you've got your two good eyes
We could try to find our zone
Or just sit and cry alone

Willy don't got an eye
Willy don't got an eye
He lost it on the Fourth of July
Now he don't got an eye
So don't cry,
Baby!

Sure, why not?

2011-03-16T10:18:00.001-07:00

So here I sit in my comfy chair at home dreading having to go out again today for a school group project. There's other things I would love to go do...I'm just not much in the mood to go work on the group stuff (even though it is 100% necessary).

It's kind of a bummer to be where I am. See, at this point in my life, I am at a very different place than most of the people I see on a daily basis. Yes, many of the other students I interact with are further along in school than myself, and many of them are better with their schooling than I am. Yet, our outlooks on life are very different from one another. I see the world very differently than those who don't have families. (On a side note, it kind of sucks to be openly resented by others for having a wife and kids...Mormons are so weird).

Little things don't bother me like they used to. I've learned that just because a kink comes up in life or any of it's little plans, it isn't the end of the world; life goes on. Yes my friends, life carries on whether we want it to or not. I'm glad that little, insignificant crap doesn't get to me so much (I'm not saying it never does, it's just very different than what it used to be). I would never enjoy life if I let every single thing bother my happiness.

"Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind."-Carlos Gracie

Tournament results!

2011-03-05T23:50:00.000-07:00

I got 2nd place!

This was a much different tournament than what I had experienced in the last one. There was a points system and time-limits...I knew things would be different, but I had no idea just HOW different they would actually be. Everything felt rushed in this one. I never felt like I had a moment to think about what I was doing.

Anyways, The guy I lost to in the finals...he actually wasn't supposed to be in my division. He had two years of experience...he was supposed to be in the intermediate class, NOT the beginners class. Oh well, I'm not gonna cry too hard over it.

We had a great group go down from BYU-I. Seven of us went, and every single one of us won a medal. It was pretty darn exciting. Can't wait for April!

Reinvention

2011-02-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I super-need to reinvent myself. First of all, let's take a look at who I am now and what I am or am not doing right:

I love being a daddy!...but I don't spend the time with my children that I ought to.

I love being married to Vicki!...but I don't spend the time with her that I ought to. I also don't always do enough to make her life easier.

I'm kind of a lazy guy. I'm in school and I have lots that I want to learn...but I don't always put the effort into learning that I ought to.

I really enjoy being funny and having fun...I don't think there's a problem there.

Jiu-jitsu is my favorite hobby...again, I don't think there's a problem there.

All-in-all, my changes need to revolve around my laziness. See, I spend too much time on stupid things like social media. It's something that I waaaaaaay need to cut back on. Also, I want to live a more active lifestyle. I don't just mean physically, but I also mean as far as activities go. I would love to get out of the house more as a family...or just have more fun activities inside the house with my family. They're great! My family is so amazing and important to me. My problem is remembering that. I don't apply it to everything. If I would actually remember my family when it came to things like school work and why I'm doing it, I would do so much better.

Essentially, I'm saying I don't want to be so lazy. I want to reinvent myself as a more active, positive, and loving person.

Toy Bombs is the uh...bomb?

2011-02-26T10:57:00.001-07:00

WOODEN SHIPS

Who needs you, not me
I can’t go where I can’t see
Blind spots are blinding me
I don’t want to make a scene
I guess I’ll go, where to I don’t know
Who needs you not me
If that’s the way its gonna be.

Nail my letters to your wall
Take them down before they fall
Put my picture in a frame
Watch it as it fades away
You wouldn’t ask I wouldn’t tell
These wooden ships they wouldn’t sail
Tried to swim but couldn’t float
A heavy heart’s a heavy load.

Who needs you, not me
I can’t go where I can’t see
My blind spots are leaving my
And I don’t want to make a scene
I guess I’ll go, where to I don’t know
Cause who needs you, not me
If that’s the way its gonna be.

Put my things inside your drawers
What once was mine will soon be yours
Take my lights and fade them down
You’re the queen, you wear the crown
You wouldn’t ask, I wouldn’t tell
These wooden ships they wouldn’t sail
Tried to swim but couldn’t float
A heavy heart’s a heavy load,
so I’m just gonna go, go, go, go, go...

Put my things inside your drawers
Cause I don’t need them anymore
Break my things onto the ground
If you’re the queen then where’s your crown?
You wouldn’t ask I wouldn’t tell
These wooden ships they wouldn’t sail
I tried to swim but couldn’t float
A heavy hearts a heavy load.

So who need you, not me
I can’t feel my heart beat
My senses are leaving me
But I don’t want to make a scene
I guess Ill go, where to I don’t know
Who needs you, I guess me
If that’s the way its gonna be.

This song just sort of describes my current mood...

Life as I know it

2011-02-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

So...I'm back on track with losing weight. Sure, I'm willing to bet that I've said that before, but it really is true. Especially these last few days. I've been doing a bit more cooking, and a lot less eating of junk food. Why do you ask? Well, there's a few reasons that I am working on losing weight:

1. I want to be alive, and have the ability to be active when my children get into their twenties and thirties and beyond.

2. There is a jiu-jitsu tournament in 2 months that if I don't cut some extra pounds in time, i will be fighting giant monsters of men.

3. I would like to just be able to be all-around more physically active.

4. One day, I would like to participate in an amateur MMA fight.

5. I want to live past fifty.

6. My wife needs something to look at...

There we go. Pretty good list if you ask me.

Aside from a lists that you don't really care about, I don't have much else going on in my life at this moment. Well, I do, but I can't think of much reason to put it up here. Really, I can't even think of a good reason to put this up here, but I'm gonna anyways.

HA! It's up.

You betcha

2011-02-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

Do I have things I ought to be doing right now? Yes. Am I doing them? No. I'm not terribly concerned over them either. Truthfully, I am looking forward to the three day weekend that's coming up. I could just really use the break.

Not a ton is going on in my life right now. I'm still looking forward to the jiu-jitsu competition in April. Honestly, I have never had a hobby that has brought me so much joy. I don't even care if I lose everything, I'm just excited to go and compete and see how I do. It's just something that is fun to me. Hobbies are one of those things that I've never really had before, but now that I do, I'm not sure how I ever did without it.

Yesterday, I finally nailed a move that I have struggled with since I started jiu-jitsu...an arm-bar from the guard. For those of you who know anything about jiu-jitsu, you know that an arm-bar from the guard isn't exactly the most advanced move in the arsenal...however, I never did quite get it until yesterday. There was one minor detail that I was missing that finally clicked for me. Have you ever struggled with something repeatedly and then finally gotten it figured out? You know that feeling you get afterwards? Well, let's just say that I was elated after jiu-jitsu yesterday.

Right now I'm listening to Tom Waits and I always forget how much I love his music until I listen to it again. I got a free Zune pass that lets me download music for free...for a period of time. I decided I wanted to download all of the Tom Waits CDs I don't own. Let me say this...glorious.

On a note completely unrelated to anything I have mentioned already, I love being a daddy. My kids are wonderful. Yes, they do get annoying sometimes, but I really do love them. They bring out the best in me.

The Ramblings of a Lazy Sunday

2011-02-13T17:23:00.001-07:00

Life is really unique. Shut up before you start rolling your eyes and sighing. Sure, people may have had similar experiences in their lives, but the beauty of it, is that no two lives are exactly the same. Maybe they're really close, but there will always be some minor difference that changes a person's perspective entirely. No one has the same perspective on life. That's why no one is quite like you. (When I said "you", I meant everyone, not just certain blog readers...especially since Sam is really the only one who ever takes a look at this thing anyways...)

On a side, but somewhat related note, I kind of wish people could see themselves the way that I see them. Too many people look down on themselves, myself included. Why does it have to be that way? The people I choose to spend time with are very special to me...otherwise it wouldn't make much sense to spend time with them. Really though, I wish people could realize just how amazing and great they are. It's sad to see truly awesome people feel down on themselves and beat themselves up over nothing. Be nice to yourself, because the world will be mean enough without your help. Ha! So positive, I know. But it's true. No need to make situations worse than they are.

Lately in my life, I have been really good at finding reasons to be happy. It' a change of mindset, and it takes time I suppose, but it's worth it. If it weren't for good people, fun experiences and just being able to laugh at myself instead of cry about myself, I would go crazy. Truth be told, I might not even be here.

Time for a confession I guess. In High School, there was a short period of time where I was extremely depressed. (Teenage hormones suck. They really do). Anywho, for a period of time, I considered ending my life. To this day, I can't really remember why I changed my mind and stuck around, but here I am! Lucky you, huh?

Why am I telling you this?...I'm not entirely sure. But I am just the same. I suppose my point is that life isn't ever as bad as it seems. Had I actually ended it all back then, ...wow. Just wow. I would have missed so many wonderful opportunities and experiences that I look back on now and love with my whole heart. There are even more great experiences to come; I just know it. Even when bad stuff comes along, or something strange happens, it's best to just look at it as another memory. Find a way to laugh about it. Laughter really is my coping mechanism in lots of ways. I love to laugh, and I love to see other people laugh. Seeing other people happy makes me happy.

So be happy...or don't. it takes just as much work to be happy as it does to be sad though. I'll tell you which one is more worth it too. (That was rhetorical, you should already know the answer by now without me having to tell you).

That is all.

Don't even try to argue with me about it

2011-02-10T23:10:00.000-07:00

I am surrounded by some of the best people in the world. Yes, yes. There are amazing people that aren't around here. BUT! I feel very lucky and very blessed to have met the people I have here in Rexburg. Granted, there aren't many that I hang out with on a regular basis, but those who I do interact with at least semi-regularly are awesome.

So thanks to everyone around here who helps to make my life that much better.

Well Crap...

2011-02-08T21:40:00.001-07:00

So...I need to drop around 15 pounds to compete in a weight class where I won't be crushed to death in the upcoming jiu-jitsu competition...

So, I am trying very hard to eat according to plan in order to drop the weight before April 23rd. However, tonight I ate a ton of peanut-butter and honey...Crap. That was a bad move.

Oh well, there is tomorrow. So keep on me if you see me! Ask how I'm doing on the weight plan.

Goals!

2011-02-06T18:41:00.001-07:00

Wow! I'm actually a bit surprised that I added yet another goal to my long list of things that I am already trying to accomplish. Before I get to the new goal, let me fill you in on what is going to be happening this week with me.

I have a Spanish test to study for, and I am super-not ready for it. I have a ten page research paper to write this week. I also will be driving to St. Anthony every day to observe and teach sixth graders...after which (in the late afternoon/evening) I will be meeting with my education group to further discuss our plans and options. This is all on top of the usual homework that I have and my family responsibilities. (Did I mention that we just took the cribs down and put up toddler beds today for our 19 month old kids? Well, we did).

So, what is it that I'm trying to accomplish through this big mess of stuff? Well...I plan to compete in another jiu-jitsu tournament on April 23rd! This one is different than the last. It has time limits and it also has points systems. I've not really trained for that sort of pressure, and I know that because the jiu-jitsu I do is largely street oriented, I am going into this tournament with an extreme disadvantage. Will that stop me from trying? Nope. I'm excited for it.

Truth be told, I have never been involved in anything that I have enjoyed as much as I do jiu-jitsu. It just makes me feel so alive...even when I don't win...which is more often than you might think. Anyhow, I really look forward to the competition. It was so much fun to participate in the last one. Unfortunately for me, because I won the last one, I can't participate at the same tournament at the white belt level again; instead, they would bump me up to the advanced level where I could end up fighting black-belts with 20 years experience. No, I am not ready for that. So this tournament, I will still be able to compete at the white belt level, therefore, I fully intend to do so. I will be in the Gi and the Nogi divisions again.

Wish me luck, and if you see me, make sure to keep on me about training!

http://www.northwestsubmissionchallenge.com/index.html

Man's Greatest Art-Form...

2011-02-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

...is swearing. Seriously. Some people are really very good at it. Now don't get me wrong, not all swearing is used correctly. Some people use it every-other word and it really takes away the meaning from the word and makes it about as useless as a prostitute in an Amish community. *GASP* (Sorry. Was that inappropriate?)

Anyhow, Swearing can be used in quite a comedic way. It's really all in the timing, and in how frequently or infrequently the person used them to begin with. Why do you care about this? Well, chances are, you don't. But, because no one reads this anyhow, I'm not too worried about it.

Also, I really hate it when people try to establish superiority over you for no particular reason. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not the greatest at everything...I'm not even the greatest at anything. But! To publicly explain to a group of people that someone else is inferior because they weren't able to do something as well as someone else...well, that's just rude. I really hate when people do that.

I've decided that I have no desire to live in a Mormon community after I move from Idaho. I don't mind if there are plenty of Mormons around...but I sure don't want there to be so few non-Mormons like there are here in Rexburg. I love my religion...but I hate the social aspects of it. We have the greatest theology in the world, yet our best contribution to society is "Singles Ward 2"? Seriously? We can get past that...can't we? It's so hard to tell a good sex-joke around here without people thinking I'm a horrible person. Monster energy drink? Going to hell. Read a book with anything "offensive" in it? Going to hell. I wish to be around more normal people.

Translation

2011-02-03T10:44:00.000-07:00

So, that poem that I posted before...I guess I will interpret it for all of you, my loyal blog readers.

Rain brings grey skies with it...yet to me, rain is very beautiful. I love grey skies and "downcast" days. Rain just feels so...cleansing. I would run outside and stand in it while staring up if people wouldn't think I was crazy for it. Rain washes away the dust and the dirt of life, it rusts and destroys the machines of man, it flows freely and carves its own path.

What is the rain in my poem? Rain represents people in my life who struggle with depression. These people don't think very highly of themselves, and often feel that their self-worth is very little. However, in my eyes anyways, many of these people have helped me overcome and fight past my own depression. My family, my wife, my friends...many of them have depression and don't feel good about themselves. Yet, to me, they are beautiful. They make my life feel new. They make me want to open up and be who I am regardless of the consequences.

I have a tremendous fear that people won't like me for who I am. I'm always afraid that even the people who profess to be my friends or who at least don't seem to mind me being around on occasion, don't actually like me at all, but are just too polite to tell me to go away. Irrational? Maybe. Maybe not. I couldn't say for certain, but it is one of my worst fears. I fear false-companionship more than I could ever fear being alone.

Despite this fear, there are others who have similar, or even identical fears, that actually help me. I feel close to these people, and though I'm not always able to express it, they free my soul.

To those of you who are one of these people to me, I say this: Thank you. You help me more than you could imagine, and you make my life feel better. You are my rain, and you cleanse me from my fears.

Random poem...I dunno...

2011-02-02T21:10:00.004-07:00

By: Benheine

The wisp, the cloud

   grey
rain

floods and cleanses

   wash away the dust
make the old new again

   turn dirt to mud
   wear it away

find it

By: Nilofaar

   find the secrets the ground keeps

rust and destroy
that which would canker the soul

new life springs forward
from something so small...

   hello!
why are you here? seek ye fame? fortune? glory?

   No...

   Those have no place
   in your heart
you are pure

   stay pure...

please.

Sigh...

2011-02-02T16:37:00.001-07:00

I had such a difficult time focusing in school today. I'm not really too sure why though. All has been well, and I feel really good...but I was very unable to make myself feel concerned about anything that went on during school today. Really, I need to focus every single day. (Especially in Spanish. I really wish I had some good friends who would just sit around and talk with me in Spanish and help me understand it).

I did get a new computer today that seems to be working quite nicely. It's an acer...so nothing ridiculously special; but there's nothing wrong with it either. The price was right, and it had everything I need. I know all of you who are reading this (meaning nobody other than my imaginary friends) care about my new computer, so I just thought that I would share.

Is making friends tough for everybody? I meet more women than men in my major at school; and due to my own bizarre personality, I just get along better with women than I do men...for the most part. That isn't always true though. Anyways, because I make friends with mainly women, I can't just call them up and say things like, "Hey, you wanna hang out later?" I'm pretty sure my wife would not at all appreciate that. In fact, she would probably murder me...slowly. So to be perfectly honest, due to my lack of friends who I can hang out with without people thinking I'm having an affair, life feels a bit lonely sometimes. Wow. Didn't I just say that everything was good? What happened in between paragraphs? No, I'm not pleading with any males reading this (haha, yeah right) to come over and be my friend. But I am letting it out there at the same time. I really don't have a ton of friends here. My best friend in Idaho just so happens to be a forty-five year old man who teaches me jiu-jitsu. (And I swear, if anyone posts and says, "your wife should be your best friend!", I will find you and punch you).

On a side note, I am still working out at least four days a week...and that is a slow week. It's usually more like five or six. It feels really good. I don't have a trainer or anything, but I've done lots of research on how to do beneficial exercise that will actually help me get into better shape. I'm already feeling like I'm in better shape than what I have been in years. It feels great!

That's all for today so...peace out!

Yes. Just Yes.

2011-02-01T20:05:00.000-07:00

Tonight, we had our friend Sam over for dinner. It's kind of funny, she and Vicki used to go to the same church a long time ago. Sam and I met each other in a pretty random manner and figured out that she used to know Vicki. So, long story short, a friendship arose.

Today has been a bit interesting. However, I must admit, it has been quite enjoyable. It's kind of funny how life can do its best to throw you curve-balls and try to get you down...but fail at it miserably. Throughout my life I have learned how to have joy in the simple, unimportant, and even stupid and ridiculous things.Has my life always been easy? No. In fact, there have been some extremely rough patches in my life. Yet, I suppose the way I learned to cope with life's rough spots was to find humor in it. Over the years, I would like to think that I have gotten pretty good at it...though not everyone thinks I'm funny. But that's besides the point.

Anyhow, I guess my point was that I really enjoy laughing at just about anything. It makes my heart smile, and it makes other people smile...which makes my heart smile even more.

Poetry from last year

2011-01-31T11:48:00.004-07:00

Here are some poems that I wrote last year. Yes, I recognize that everyone and their dog writes poetry, and so little of it is actually worthwhile...this is some that is probably less than worthwhile, but they hold meaning to me. So enjoy...or don't. I don't care.

Yonder Lie the Pioneers

We stand as we sleep among the trees
only waking to fulfill our dreams.
We sway to and fro with every breeze
Oh my dear, if you would only wake me please.

So many wants, mere pretended musts
living lives on failing trusts.
Sink your leaves into a growing rust
Oh princess, wake me, wipe away the dust.

Conspiring winds blow sails unmanned
conniving men sprinkle sleeping sand.
Countless dead lives unplanned
Oh my love, wake me, raise your warrior's hand.

A forest of unrecognized fear
won't the trees open their ears?
Your calming breath to draw me near
Oh darling please wake this pioneer.

Where the Will Ends

A justified mortar
falls towards the gold mine
destroying, collapsing
damage beyond repair.

The gold mine

   does not notice.

   "Fire again!"

an unknown voice commands.

   I do.

   I remember.

I gaze out to see
what damage I've done.
The gold mine stands untouched.
Never did the mortars harm.

I stand among the gold now.
How it sparkles and inspires...
the gold I never earned nor deserved.
I am not there.

   There were no mortars
   only seppuku.

   I am mad.

   I am dead.

Solstice Sweet

Good days
Slowly passing by
Weaving in between the raindrops
And riding on the sunbeams

The cool breeze slips
Through an opened window
Gliding across the satin
Resting on the cotton-ball clouded mattress

I watch the blossoms
As they dance and twirl
Across the parking lot
Moving to the Gail's song

   Listen...

Do you hear?

Empty House

You were gone for a while

   but now you're gone for good

A house secluded on a hill
no longer full of light

You were exploring this place
Always making sense of the senseless

   No more light

No switch to flip

   V
     a
   n
   i
   s
   h
   i
   n
   g

   Fading

You're gone...

I am here...

You're gone for good...

For a while...

Boring?

2011-01-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

I'm fairly certain that I am little more than a boring old man. Am I actually old? No. Do I act it? Yes and no. It depends I guess. It just feels like there is so much more out there to do and accomplish.

My life doesn't consist of much excitement. It's kind of funny; growing up you have all of these plans and ideas of what adulthood is like and all of the fun you're going to have, but it never ends up that way. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, and I feel like my life is pretty good...it just isn't the big exciting adventure I thought. Perhaps I just haven't grown up enough?

Ha! First, I'm too old, and now I'm not mature enough. I guess in truth I'm still just caught somewhere in between. I don't fit in with adults all of the time, but I can't be with just children all day either...unless they are immature adults or mature children...then I suppose we're more on the same level.

I'm still full of childish dreams and desires, but I'm filled with the drudgery of adulthood as well. I'm reminded of Tom Waits's song "I don't wanna grow up". Too bad there is no Neverland. And too bad there is no quick jump to the world of "grown-ups". In truth, I suppose I just hate being stuck in the middle.

...I'm working on it though.

Bucket List?

2011-01-29T16:15:00.000-07:00

Things I would like to do before I die. (Make sure you check on these after I'm dead. I wouldn't want to accidentally miss something).

1. Get my weight to, and keep it between 170-180.

2. Participate in an amateur MMA fight...and win.

3. Learn how to dance! (Holy crap I need that).

4. Actually learn and be fluent in Spanish.

5. Travel out of the country...preferably somewhere besides Canada. (Nothing against my Canadian friends...it just isn't very different from America).

6. Get a black belt in Jiu-Jitsu

7. Buy a house.

8. Actually have a plan in place to retire.

9. Write something professionally that doesn't suck.

10. Make new friends, and keep all of the good ones.

I can't really think of anything else at the moment. If I do, I'll update you.

MMA Training

2010-12-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

So...tonight I went to my first MMA training class. We did absolutely no technique. However, we did tons of conditioning.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't know so many cardio exercises even existed, much less that you could cram them all into a half-hour. It was super intense. The trainer's name was Ashley; she was very nice, and she kicked my butt hard. I felt like I was going to puke by the time I was done.

While Ashley was complimenting me after the workout, I had to interrupt her to tell her I thought I was going to puke. I went to the bathroom, so exhausted that I sat (yes, it is as disgusting as it sounds) in a public restroom by the toilet...*shudder* I'll never be the same again.

After NOT puking, I went back out to tell her thanks and give her my information for future classes; and then left. turning the steering wheel was a chore. Seriously, I was that tired. My arms barely had the strength to raise above my head to wash the sweat out of my hair when I took a shower.

Do any of you care about any of this? Probably not. Just thought I would share anyways.

Winter with the kiddos

2010-12-13T10:49:00.001-07:00

We decided to give Kayla pig-tails. She looks super-cute! We love our little lady-bug.

The kiddos also had their first trip out into the snow. Isaac really seemed to enjoy the whole experience...when someone was holding his hand anyways...

And this is just cute. How could anybody resist this one?

We have been having fun with our kids. They really put things into perspective. Life is very different since Isaac and Kayla came to join us; but we wouldn't trade them for anything. I love seeing them smile and laugh and play. There is no joy equal to that of being a father.

Jiu-Jitsu Tournament

2010-11-15T11:00:00.003-07:00

The tournament was awesome! It was a no time limit, no points, submission only tournament. It was super amazing.

I had two tough matches against a guy named Tyler. We fought each other in both the Gi and No-Gi finals. I beat him in the Gi final and took first place with a clock choke (a type of collar choke). He defeated me in the No-Gi finals via rear-naked choke.

In my other matches, I won with two arm-bars and a cross choke (another type of collar choke).

There were some very cool people that I met and got to fight against. I'm looking forward to meeting them again next year.

Why I Love My Wife

2010-10-03T13:08:00.002-07:00

I can thank Sarahlynn Camper for this idea. Her blog entry made me think about why it is that I love my own family, and more specifically, my wife. Let's make a list, shall we?

I love my wife because/for:

1. She is a strong, independent woman. (Seriously, just try to get her to do something that she doesn't want to do).

2.She loves, plays with, and enjoys our children. There is little more touching to me than to see Vicki and the kids all laughing and playing together.

3. All of the hard work she does. (You try staying home with toddler twins while your spouse is gone for the majority of the day. It isn't easy).

4. The way she can look beautiful no matter how frumpy she actually is. (Can you pull off no make-up, work-out pants, and crocs and still look good? That's skill).

5. She doesn't let me win all the arguments.

6. All of the sacrifice that she makes for me. We're only in Idaho because she was willing to sacrifice so I could go to school. We have kids because she was willing to sacrifice. School, hobbies, and weight-loss are only part of my life because of all of the sacrifice that she makes so that I can become a better person.

7. I love the way she pretends to listen to me I'm boring...and then stumbles all over herself when I ask her to repeat whatever I just said.

8. She is very good at taking a joke...which leads in well to the next one...

9. She is very patient with me.

10. She believes in me and tells me that I am capable of achieving my goals.

11. I love that she is extremely ticklish and I can avoid her wrath by simply tickling her.

12. The way she fits in with my family so well.

There's plenty more, but we'll settle there for now.

Updates! (Like you give a crap).

2010-07-16T18:45:00.000-07:00

Kids: My twins turned a year old last month and are now attempting to walk. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to die prematurely due to the stress caused by two infants. However, I wouldn't trade them for those extra years of life, because they are awesome! I really like being a dad.

School: (Like you care)...I'm now going to school, year round, and I hope that also won't kill me prematurely. My grades are also looking good. (Once again, as if you care).

Health: In February I weighed 292 pounds. Since then, I've gotten my weight down to 238. (Weight Watchers and exercise baby). No, my clothes no longer fit me. It's too bad those things cost money. Maybe I'll just move to a nudist camp where I'll no longer have to worry about it. Also, I'm taking various martial arts classes, namely Tae Kwon Do and Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. I love the Jiu-Jitsu I'm learning! So yes, I am trying to say I'll kick the crap out you if you mess with me. (Ha...ha...Actually, I'm still a big wuss).

You: Obviously, you don't care about any of this. Yet, here I am sharing it anyways. Ahh...God bless America. The land where you can talk all you want no matter how stupid what you say is. Seriously, just look at the Tea Party (ZING! Please don't beat me up).

Myself: Why a section titled "Myself" you ask? Wasn't that what all of the above crap was? Yes. Just shut up and read on anyways. The ad at the top of the page keeps flashing, and I want to punch it. Random? Yes. Do I have ADHD? Perhaps. Undiagnosed if I do.

Myself 2: (Don't ask the same questions again. I simply won't stand for it. I added the "2" at the end to make you happy). Living in Rexburg, ID is very strange for me. Everything that made me unique in Indiana makes me the same as everyone else here. "Jared, you got married before you started college and had kids? So did everyone else in Rexburg. You're Mormon? So is everyone else in Rexburg. You like Brian Regan? So does everyone else in Rexburg. Etc. etc. etc." The only thing that sets me apart really is the fact that I'm a Democrat and everyone else here is either ridiculously, hard-core Republican or Libertarian. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind opposing viewpoints...when people come to the conclusions on their own instead of letting Glenn Beck do it for them. However, in Rexburg, it is just the norm to be Republican and not have any idea what you're talking about. It gets a bit annoying at times.

Final note: I really like Cake...the band, not the food...although that's pretty good too...

Seriously?

2010-01-22T11:01:00.004-07:00

Monumental changes have been handed down by the American Supreme Court...and they suck. Politics are about to change in a ridiculous kind of way. In America, we already are of the opinion that our politicians are crooked and bought by large corporations. Now, it will be true.

Politicians are limited as to how much they can spend on their own campaigns. The new law from from the Supreme Court allows corporations, unions, etc. can spend UNLIMITED amounts of money on political ads. Not only this, they can make these ads appear like a candidate's advertisement.

So what does all this mean? It means that any business can influence public opinion with their political ads. What else does it mean? It also means that politicians will be running in fear with their votes. They will be afraid to vote or not vote for bills that will offend the corporations and unions of America.

It means that our politicians will literally be bought. The Supreme Court has destroyed what little honesty was left in American Politics. I'm willing to bet that we'll see banks put out a great deal of advertisements against Obama and other politicians that favor financial reform.

Special interest now reigns supreme in America.

I have one question for the Supreme Court, "What have you done to us?"

Finally

2010-01-14T16:58:00.003-07:00

Well, here I am doing the unthinkable...I'm going to lose weight. Am I dieting? No. I'm making a lifestyle change. Seriously, i know I joke about my weight a lot, but it does actually bother me. I get out of breath over the tiniest things, I get tired quickly, I have no energy, and like most fat guys, I sweat waaaay too much.

I'd rather my children didn't grow up with me having bad eating habits. It's not only bad for me, it's bad for them. I want them to be able to do the things they want without having an extra person's weight on them.

So what do I plan to do? Well, I'm glad you asked. I've joined an online weight loss group called sparkpeople.com. It's been helpful in educating me on what is and isn't good for me. (I know that's supposed to be a "duh" thing, but really, I just didn't know where to start exactly). So now I know what I should and shouldn't eat. Also, I am walking for at least twenty minutes a day and I am taking a fencing class twice a week. (Just on a side note, that's pretty awesome)!

So, just because I know everyone reads my blog and cares about what I have to say, I'll go ahead and tell you my current weight. I do this so as I progress I can give you something to measure my progress by. My current weight is 292 pounds. Yes, I'm fat. I know. I'm also working on that. Hence my blog entry devoted entirely to telling you about it.

Wish me luck, encourage me, and congratulate me when the time is right. Thanks!

Jigga What?

2009-12-14T13:33:00.005-07:00

Well, knowing how interested you all are in my blog, I’ve decided to once again do another. Now, now. Hold your excitement for a little bit at least.

Christmas is just around the corner and we here in the Loper household have decided that since we’re broke, we would go cheap for Christmas. I’m sure none of you can relate to such a thing.

Lots of things have been weighing on my mind as of late. Business, politics, family, eternity, books, music, and yes even exercise. (I’m pretty sure the most exercise I’ve done since moving to Idaho is lugging my carpet machine up a single flight of stairs. Otherwise, nothing really. My pants are getting tight if you can believe that my already huge pants didn’t cover it all). HA! Let’s get off of that topic for now.

So, business is slow. That’s kind of to be expected though. It’s our second month going at it. We’ve had two jobs and supposedly, we should have a third, and rather large job coming up. We’ll be in Yellowbook in May, and we can be found on yellowpages.com if you search for carpet cleaners in the Rexburg, ID area. We may begin door-to-door soon just to help get us through.

Politically, I’m excited. I’m going to my first Democratic event. It’s all the way out in Pocatello, but it’s the closest event to Rexburg that I think I’ll ever hear of. Either way, I’m excited. Since coming to Rexburg, I’ve met two other Democrats and that’s it. Apparently, there’s around 50 here in Madison County…there’s over 36,000 people in Rexburg alone making us a very small population.

Now on to family. I really love my family more than I know how to explain. So I won’t try. Just know that there’s nothing more important to me in the world. Even if I talk about the other stuff more. (I really just do that so people won’t get tired of me droning on about how great my wife and kids are).

Eternity. It kind of goes with family, but there’s more to it than that. I really want to be a better person. I don’t think that’s so bad. Whether one is religious or not should not have too much impact on how good or bad they decide to be. Anyways, I want to do everything in my power to be honest with myself in doing what’s right. I think that’s where most of us fail. We justify things to ourselves and lie to ourselves about how good or bad we are. I need to be more honest with me.

As far as books are concerned…well, it’s a double edged sword. I love to read them. I’m finishing up Stephen King’s extended version of “The Stand”. My own writing has once again petered off. However, I do have one finished work. It’s the funny handbook made for fat white guys. My fiction has taken a stumble. It’s difficult to get people to read these things, and even harder to get feedback out of them. I swear I’m about the most co-dependant person in the world for everything.

Music. Ah, a treasure of mine. I’ll put it real simple. I have two recommendations for you. Only two, but they’re the best. Tom Waits and Kid Theodore. I don’t have a link for Tom Waits, but here’s one for Kid Theodore: http://kidtheodore.com/

Now go enjoy your lives. Preferably more than you enjoyed this blog.

Why bipartisansip is dead...

2009-11-13T19:23:00.004-07:00

Y’know what I’m tired of? Politicians complaining about the “lack of bipartisanism”. Seriously, I am sick of it. I don’t care if you’re democrat or republican or if you agree with me or not. I am about to explain to you why there is such a complaint about no bipartisanism in Washington.

Republicans. Wait! Before you leave my oh-so-humble-blog, think for just a moment, and let me explain my conclusion. When Barack Obama was campaigning for the White House, he made huge promises. Promises some say that he’s not been willing or able to keep. Here are my thoughts…(as if you care).

First of all, if anyone denies that politics has become an “us vs. them” game, then you’re wrong. Dead wrong. Politics has completely been engulfed in an “us vs. them” attitude. Our founding fathers spoke against political parties for just this reason. It ruins free-thinking. It ruins the ability of individuals in congress or other elected office to make a decision that they feel is correct. If they go against the party-line, then their own party is out to get them along with the opposing party. Take Louisiana Republican Joe Cao for example. He voted for the house health care bill and has been threatened by his own party that they will “come after him”.

So, let’s say that I’m a Republican in the Senate. A Democratic President was just elected, and the majority of my own political party has been voted out of Congress. Hmm…doesn’t look good for me, eh? Now, let’s say that as a Republican, I want to take control of Congress back for my party. Well, what are some things my President promised while campaigning? Hmm…OH! I know! He promised bipartisanship in everything. I know exactly how to nail him on that. Disagree and fight with everything he does, whether it’s right or not! Perfect! Then we’ll blame him for not being as bipartisan as he promised.

I’m afraid that this is all that has happened. It is “us vs. them”, so Republicans will disagree with everything a democrat comes up with and then blame them for not being bipartisan.

“…the pressures against bipartisanship are enormous. Gerrymandered congressional districts favor representatives who play to the party base. The number of centrists in both parties has steadily diminished…Until politicians are able to deal with some of the underlying forces that make bipartisanship difficult to achieve, party leaders should not give so much weight to legislative strategies that hinge on appealing to the other side.” –Julian Zeller (CNN.com, November 3, 2009).

I say to politicians in any party this, “Grow up. Politics isn’t about being able to declare, ‘we’re right and you’re wrong.’ It’s about serving the people who voted you into office. So grow up, quit squabbling, and do your job like it was meant to be done.”

Getting my business running.

2009-11-05T11:39:00.001-07:00

So…I’m in the midst of starting a business. It takes a ton more planning than I had originally thought. Well…no it doesn’t. There are just more things that cost money than I had thought. However, the good news is that we are legally allowed to operate under the name, “AJ’s Carpet Cleaning” in that state of Idaho now.

Speaking of which, that was a heck of a move. It took us three days to get out here. *whew* Talk about a long car trip. My legs and back were sore for days afterwards. Too bad really. I like the place though. It’s smaller than I had imagined. The town is actually smaller than Shelbyville, Indiana. I didn’t think it was possible. The university is literally the whole town. We have a Wal-Mart…but it’s not even a super center.

So back to the business. Financing was beginning to look dismal for us. Equipment cost a lot, we’re young college kids with limited credit history, and we’ve never done anything like this. then, my dear sweet wife, who is always looking for the best deal, finds an ad from BYU. They have a surplus sale twice a month. There were a few types of carpet cleaners for sale…the most expensive one was $150.

After waking up to crying children this morning, I showered and headed down to the surplus sale and checked out the carpet cleaners. The $150 models weren’t what we were looking for, and they were highly impractical. Then I saw a beauty. It was simply an older version of exactly what we had been needing. I didn’t see a price tag on it, and it was buried under boxed of heavy metal valves. So, after moving the boxes I pulled the bad boy out and plugged it in. at first…nothing. Then it sprung to life! It worked!

Then after further inspection, I found the price tag. $25!!! What?! I wrote down the number and rushed back inside and bought the sucker. It’s missing the hoses and wand to clean with, but it doesn’t much matter for $25 and working well. Today, I’m off to purchase the necessary parts to make it work. Wish me luck! Our business will be up and running within a week or two now. WOOHOO!

The Death of America

2009-08-20T11:07:00.003-07:00

Political parties destroy America. It’s true. Our founding fathers didn’t even believe in political parties because they believed that political parties would hamper the true spirit of freedom and would wound free-thinking.

They are absolutely correct. We have two major political parties in America: Democrats and Republicans. If one ever desires to hold a major public office, they will probably have to belong to one of these parties…whether you really agree with them or not.

There have been third party candidates who’ve run for election and failed hundreds of times over. Why? Because everyone wants to be part of the “winning team”. Y’know. The same reason you don’t like your sports team until they do well. (I still haven’t followed the Pacers since they blew it against the Lakers all those years ago).

A well known republican was recently heard to say that if Obama’s health plan failed, it would be how the Republicans could finally “break him”. Is that why our health care bills are dying? Not because of legitimate concerns; but because of a power struggle between two political parties? (Let’s just work out a solution folks). Year after year Democrats and Republicans duke it to no one’s avail but their own. Are our politicians fighting for us, or for their respective parties?

I call for peace among politicians. Without it, no one will ever win. We will not benefit government, and our government will not benefit us. “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” We as a people need to stand up and make our voices heard. Our elected officials should not be involved in senseless bickering that wastes time, money, effort, and our government’s ability to operate. Politicians should do what they deem best for the people they represent. Not what’s best for their career.

The Green Scene

2009-08-10T10:08:00.003-07:00

The “green scene” is a passing fad. It simply will not last. Why? Because people will realize that going green is not as healthy as they really think it is. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all about protecting our planet. However, I believe most of what people are currently doing is only making it worse.

At my job, we sell reusable shopping bags. Good idea, huh? Nope. It’s a terrible idea for two reasons. First of all, the point of a reusable shopping bag is to help us not use so many plastic bags. That’s an issue. Those plastic bags are made out of petroleum byproducts. A byproduct means it is something left over from a previous manufacturing. So, whenever we make gasoline, we have waste. This waste is used to make, among other things, plastic bags. So, unless you see a sudden spike in Vaseline production, we need to use that byproduct to make plastic bags. Otherwise, where will the waste go? At least you can recycle a plastic bag. (And if you really think about it, in a way, that plastic bag is recycled material).

Also, if one continues to reuse their shopping bags, they are saving that company money. I’m not saying this does happen, but it is quite possible: companies can use that money to buy more pollution credits. Those are credits that allow them to pollute more.

Secondly, reusable shopping bags are bad because most are made out of crap. Not literally crap, but figuratively. For example, the bags sold at my job are made from a material called: polypropylene. This is a material that is man-made in a lab and DOES NOT break down in the environment. You are not doing anyone a favor by having one of these bags.

This is simply one example of why going green is not really all that it’s cracked up to be. Do your research before you go out and start buying “green”. It’s not just bags, it’s everything green. So little of it is what it truly claims to be.

My Newest Work

2009-08-04T13:57:00.004-07:00

So I have begun a book. The book is called, “The Pros, Cons, and Social Rules of Being a Fat White Guy”. It’s going to awesome! At least, I think so. I also finally have an artist who seems to be very excited over the whole project. Hopefully, this book will be published soon. We’re hoping to get things underway fairly soon.

The idea for the book came when I was with my wife having dinner at one of her friend’s home. Ali, the friend, had made homemade pizza. I grabbed two slices and downed them. By the time I was done, I looked around and realized that I had eaten two slices while everyone else was still on their first one. They hadn’t even finished it yet! Needless to say, I felt fat at that moment. Ali then looked my direction and said, “You can get another slice if you’d like.”

“No,” I started (completely off the top of my head), “you see, as a fat guy, I have certain rules that I have to follow. Really, I’m only allowed to stay one helping ahead of everyone else. Everyone expects me to eat more because I’m fat, but if I get too far ahead of everyone, then I’ll seem rude and really fat. So I’ll just wait until everyone else has had their seconds, then I’ll get my thirds.”

She just sort of looked at me and said, “…Ok…” Really, she just had no idea what to say. It was rather humorous to me. However, what I said, in a way, is true. People do have their perceptions of things, and like it or not, what I mentioned is just one of the many social rules a fat guy has to follow if he wants to retain his appearance of politeness.

So really, that’s what the book is about. The pros, cons and social rules us fat white guys have to follow. It’s a blast! So when you see it on the bookshelves at Borders or Barnes & Noble…buy it. Buy it and tell all of your friends.

Parenting and Moments to Ponder

2009-08-02T13:18:00.003-07:00

Y’know…parenting can be very difficult sometimes. My wife and I just had twins a little over a month ago. Kayla Rose and Isaac Benjamin are their names. They’re a handful for sure.

I think being a parent to two at once is way more difficult than just having one at a time. I’m sure that statement would make some moms say, “What is he talking about? Any baby is difficult! What does he know anyways? He’s just a man!” Don’t get me wrong. I’m certain that only one baby is difficult. However, it doesn’t even compare to two. Also, my two babies doesn’t compare to triplets or quadruplets and so on. To me, triplets are incomprehensible. I’m not certain that I could do it.

Even despite the difficulties and the rare moments of sleep, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love being a dad. Even though all that they can do is poop, cry and eat; I love them anyways! It’s truly amazing to be able to look at them (while they aren’t screaming) and just see a part of you in each of them. To see that light in their eyes is an amazing thing. I love it! (Besides, who doesn’t like that new person smell)?

Thinking about the future of one’s children can be terrifying and daunting all at once. Where will they go to school? Where will we even live? What will they be when they grow up? Will they ever get into serious trouble? Will they be strippers? (Please no).

I want my children to have a good life. I want their lives to be better than my own. Most everyone wants that for their children, I think. Why wouldn’t we want our children to have a future better than ours? When I look at my children, I see what I want to become so that they can grow strong and know what’s right. It helps me to want to do all that I can to insure a chance for them in this life.

Will they appreciate it? No. Not for a while anyways. Maybe they will one day, maybe they won’t. That’s ok though. We don’t become parents so that we can have recognition. We do it because of love. Love doesn’t need recognition. However, I would like to recognize my own parents. While they aren’t perfect, they have done all that they know how to do for me. They have always taught me to dream big and work hard and to be a good and fair person. They have given me every chance in the world no matter how much I’ve screwed up. I will always love my parents for all that they have done. I will always love my children for the opportunity they’ve given me to be a father to them. I find it impossible to not love them.

Today's Media

2009-08-01T19:41:00.003-07:00

“A truly free and independent press is the red beating heart of democracy and freedom” –Dan Rather

I agree with this statement. Recently, Dan rather spoke about a “media bailout”. He called for the White House to step in and save public media. Rather spoke on his many concerns about media today. Some of his concerns are very legitimate. He mentioned that news today is more of a cross between entertainment and news. I agree. Too often do we turn on the news and see nothing more than news meant to entertain us.

For example: how much coverage did you see of the famed “beer summit”? Who cares? How is this important to our nation? How does this help the American people progress? It doesn’t. It was a waste of time for the news stations, and the people who spent the whole week waiting to see four men around a picnic table drinking a beer.

Rather discussed our lack of coverage concerning the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I agree again. We don’t ever see anything about them. We never even know how close or far away we are for catching those responsible for the 9/11 terrorist attacks. When one of those individuals is caught, it’s hardly mentioned. Personally, I feel like this lack of coverage has played a large role in Americans forgetting 9/11. It’s hard to speak with anyone about it outside of New England. No one else cares like they did when it happened. I feel we as a people have done a terrible injustice by forgetting our fellow citizens who were murdered that day. We should never forget, and we should never ignore our soldiers.

It was also mentioned by Rather that most of what appears on the public media is controlled by a mere handful of corporations. Why do certain politicians get more coverage than others during election times? It’s not because some of them have “media lapdogs” while others don’t. (Holy crap, I hate that totally unfounded accusation). It’s because these corporations feel as though they have more to gain by certain individuals getting elected than others. Also, why is it that when the car companies when to Washington to get bailout money, everyone threw a fit because they flew in a private jet? The media never brought it up when the bankers flew in with their private jets. Believe me, there’s plenty of people who could profit from American car companies failing.

Do I agree that the government should bailout media? No. No I don’t. However, I do believe that Dan Rather is right on many points that I have discussed here and others that I haven’t. We do need more investigative journalism, we do need more coverage of the wars, we do need less entertainment and more information. We need a news that has not been “dumb[ed] down and sleaz[ed] up”. I hope that one day we can see a better news come forward that will take hold and will not be for our entertainment; but for our enlightenment instead. I hope to see an independent news group come forward that has validity and is not extreme, or biased, or based on conjecture. I want to watch a news program, or read a newspaper that has substance and truth to it. Long live free and honest press!